


Carry Me Home

by MelissaMotown



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3826429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaMotown/pseuds/MelissaMotown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are moving fast for Kurt and Blaine, who seems to have a perfect life in New York. More success is just around the corner and the future looks bright. But the high pace gradually wears Blaine out and hard decisions have to be made. This is the third and last part of Cordelia story, following A Song For Cordelia and One Of The Good Guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Ready for another ride? Here comes the last part of the Cordelia story.
> 
> Carry Me Home picks up about ten months after One Of The Good Guys ended.
> 
> The first two chapters are a bit angsty, but all for a reason, so hang in there ;)
> 
> Hope you will enjoy!

Kurt woke up with an unfamiliar alarming sensation in his body. Maybe it was nothing but a shadow of a dream still stirring in his subconscious but he couldn't remember anything. He stretched and prompted his body to get moving. Blaine was up already and the cold sheet on his side of the bed revealed it had been awhile. Kurt listened carefully, but not a sound was heard; no brewing coffee or clicking sound from the digital piano, no running water in the shower. He put his feet down on the wooden floor and pulled on the t-shirt from last night while calling out: "Blaine, are you there?"

He cracked the window open and ruffled his hair. Neither of them usually had early morning meetings and the fridge was stuffed from yesterday's grocery shopping so he couldn't figure out where Blaine would have to be this early. He walked out to kitchen and put on coffee. It didn't seem like Blaine had gotten any breakfast either before leaving. Things had been rough for a while and it was like the small things that use to matter, and was supposed to matter, had been suffocated in their crazy schedules. Kurt was worried, not for them as a couple or their future together, but for Blaine. With a sigh he went for a towel in the hallway closet but passing the music room his eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of Blaine, sitting by the piano, staring into the air. "Hey baby," Kurt said and pushed up the door. "I didn't think you were home. You've been so quiet. Are you okay?"

Blaine turned and looked at him blank faced. "I can't read the sheet," he stated simply.

Kurt stepped closer and got down by the piano next to him. His eyes quickly scanned the sheet in front of them. I was a melody Blaine had composed late last night and Kurt still remembered fractions of it as he had listened alone in their bed. The notes were not smeared, every little dot was balancing perfectly on or between the lines. "I'm not sure I understand," he said. "It looks fine to me."

"But it's like I can't remember." Blaine's eyes welled up. "I suddenly can't remember what the notes are called or where they're supposed to go on the piano. And I know that I know. I mean … I wrote this yesterday … then how can I not know today? The names of the notes haven't changed overnight, right?"

Panic stirred in the pit of Kurt's stomach as he stared at his boyfriend. "Um, Blaine, how much have you slept tonight?"

"I don't really know. Maybe I didn't go to sleep at all."

"You did," Kurt clarified. "I remember you lying next to me at some point. But maybe you just need to rest," he suggested. "You know, take the day off and forget about composing, just for today?"

Blaine closed his eyes and frowned. "I'm sure I can't. Maybe I'm supposed to be somewhere today, but I don't know. I can't find my phone."

Kurt's eyes snapped to the phone placed neatly on top of the piano, right in Blaine's eyesight. "Baby, you're exhausted," he said with a trembling voice and turned Blaine to face him. "Why don't you go back to bed. I'll find your phone and cancel your schedule for today. You know, make a few phone calls. I'm sure it can work out." Kurt cupped the tired face in front of him until Blaine put his hands above Kurt's grip.

"What if I have a meeting with the producer today? I think that's what this song is about. But I can't write it if I can't remember how to read the notes." He let go of Kurt's hands again and rubbed his temples. "It's all so confusing and I can't find my phone. Have you seen it?"

Kurt blinked hard to keep tears away. Blaine was one of the most organized people he knew. He knew his calendar by heart and if their arrangements or meetings were colliding, Blaine would be the first one to notice. "Go into bed again," Kurt pleaded.

"But I don't want to be alone," Blaine objected. His chest heaved all of a sudden as if something overwhelmed him.

"You don't have to. I'll take the day off, too," Kurt promised. "We'll go back to bed and you can sleep for as long as you need to."

"No, you have to wake me up when you get up. I don't want to be alone."

Kurt pulled him into his arms as tears ran over. Blaine was scaring the shit out of him but he had to act like it wasn't that big of a deal; that it was perfectly normal illusion and confused beyond compare. Maybe he was having an anxiety attack or something. Kurt didn't know what that was supposed to be like or how you knew someone was having one. "You don't have to be alone," he whispered into Blaine's ear. "I'll be here and I'll take care of you. When I get up again you can lay on the couch and I'll sit right next to you. Would that be okay?"

Blaine exhale until all air seemed to have left his lungs and collapsed more or less into the embrace. "Yes, that would be okay," he finally said. "I'd really like that."

With an arm around Blaine's waist, Kurt held him up as they walked through the hallway and back to the bedroom. Blaine almost crawled into bed with careful, cautious movements as if he was afraid to break. Kurt gently tucked the sheets around the exhausted man before he went to his own side and lied down next to him. He then dragged Blaine into his arms and felt how their bodies clicked into each other as two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly just like that and a few minutes later the steady rise and fall of Blaine's chest revealed that he was already asleep.

Lying like that Kurt's spirit broke, piece by piece, and tears ran from his eyes, passing his temples before they pooled in his ears. The last eight months could have been the highlight of Blaine's career with the band, Sound Of Seduction. But instead it had turned into a nightmare than none of them could have predicted. Shortly after "Cordelia" had finished its run at The Ensemble Theater late in the summer, the band had signed a record deal with a minor NY label. Kurt had been beyond thrilled on Blaine's behalf and even though they both knew it would take up a lot of Blaine's time and mean they would have to cancel the vacation to Italy, they had agreed it would be worth everything. They could have time together later. The second musical from "By Blackbird" had been postponed and in the meantime Stevenson had gotten Kurt some interesting theater auditions and Ally had devoted all her time being a mom to a beautiful little girl that had arrived into their lives a cold November night.

Two months later Blaine and Matt had showed up at the studio with ten of Blaine's best songs. Songs that represented the soul of the band and that had proved their worth played live. But to their uttermost surprise the producer had turned every single song down, claiming that a different sound was needed from the band; something contemporary, leaning more towards light pop. Once the immediate disappointment had dissolved Blaine had approached the task as a challenge. He had composed day and night, searching for that specific sound the producer was asking for. Bits and pieces of lyrics and notes had been lying everywhere and Blaine had even hummed in his sleep. Every song was arranged together with the band and everybody had a say. But the pressure had still been put mainly on Blaine's shoulders. Not just by himself but by the producer as well. It was Blaine they wanted and his energetic vibe as frontman. Despite the effort, song after song had been turned down with small ridiculous excuses that didn't make much sense, other than Sound Of Seduction perhaps wasn't what the label really wanted after all.

Kurt had early on suspected a hidden agenda from the label and they had fought a lot about it, Blaine and him. Countless time he had begged Blaine to get out of the contract before it crushed him completely. But Blaine had declined and repeatedly stated that he owed it to the band to go on. Even after Matt was ready to back down because it didn't make sense anymore, Blaine had refused to give up.

After a while his songs had changed, bit by bit, until they were shallow and meaningless; mainstream to a point where Kurt couldn't tell them apart. Silently he had been forced to stand by and watch Blaine's confidence be torn apart, leaving him insecure and deeply hurt. And even though Kurt had tried to support and encourage him with all his heart, things had become strained between them. Blaine had forgotten things, had stood him up and been edgy and frustrated. They hadn't been intimate for months, which caused issues that were never truly about sex but about the lack of closeness.

Kurt closed his eyes and tightened his embrace around Blaine before he kissed his messy curls. He loved him so much and he had tried to save him but it had made Blaine withdraw instead. With a snip of the sheet Kurt carefully dried new tears away, found his phone and texted with one hand without letting go of Blaine.

_Coops, somethings wrong with Blaine. I think he's having a nervous breakdown. Don't call me, he's just fallen asleep but please come as soon possible!_

Two minutes later Cooper answered back.

_I'm on my way!_

Once Blaine had turned in his sleep, Kurt snug out of bed. He picked up Blaine's phone from the top of the piano in the music room and checked the calendar app. Sure enough, Blaine was booked for a meeting with the producer together with Matt in two hours. Four missed calls from Matt even more revealed that something was urgent. The options were limited as Kurt thought things through. It didn't feel right to reveal too much of Blaine's condition without his consent but this was more than a flu that would be gone tomorrow. Matt would have to know the truth.

Kurt pressed the phone into his ear until the call was picked up. "Matt!" he said and fought to control his voice.

"Hey Kurt, please tell me Blaine is on his way. I need to hear his new song before we are heading to the studio. Even though I wouldn't blame him if he composing until the last minute." Matt suddenly hesitated. "Wait, why are you the one calling and not Blaine?"

Kurt's eyes dropped to the sheet with an unfinished melody mocking him on the piano. He cleared his throat. "Matt ...um, I don't know how to tell you this, but Blaine is having some sort of … nervous breakdown and ... there is no new song." The words screamed in his face as soon as they had left his mouth.

_There is no new song._

_There is no new song._

Blaine always had a new song. They grew in his heart and his brain until they would overflow and be born by the piano or in the kitchen while he was cooking or making coffee.

Matt got quiet. "I have been so afraid it would come to this. He has been pushing himself for far too long. And for what? A label that sucks!"

Tears prickled behind Kurt's eyelids again. He really appreciated that there wasn't a hint of blame to be heard in Matt's voice. "Matt I don't know what to do, and I don't even know what you should tell the producer. I have to make some sort of decision on Blaine's behalf and that's so unfair to him."

"How bad is it?"

"This will take a while, Matt. I've never seen him like this. We  _have_  to say something."

"Sure, I just don't know how we can get out of this contract alive."

"Hang on," Kurt said and went through his own calendar. "Look, I have a meeting with Stevenson today that I have to cancel. I will call him and tell him that you're dropping by instead. Bring the contract and let him take care of the legal terms. He will know the loopholes and there  _have_  to be some in case of sickness, right?"

"Yeah I hope so. What do you want me to tell the band?"

"Tell the truth," Kurt replied with no hesitation. "They've all seen him struggle through this and I hope they will understand."

"They will; totally," Matt replied. "All focus has to be on Blaine now and hopefully getting him to slow down.

"It's just all so wrong, you know, this was not supposed to happen."

"No, it wasn't," Matt agreed, "but we've all tried to tell him."

"Do you know why?" Kurt asked. "I mean is the band pushing this overall or is it all his own doing?"

"It's Josh, Kurt, I thought you knew that. We all want to do a record but without all the compromising. Josh, on the other hand just wants to get out there, he wants to tour, aim higher, you know. To him it doesn't matter that much if it's Blaine's songs or someone elses. He just wants the band to move on."

"But if the rest of you guys don't want the same thing it doesn't make sense."

"Which is what I have been trying to tell Blaine over and over. But he was always convinced that the right songs were just around the corner and then we could have both; the smaller gigs in the music bars in New York  _and_  the bigger venues if we could sell."

Kurt could hear Blaine call out for him from the bedroom. "I have to go Matt, please call me back later and update me, oh and tell Sam I'll be calling him when I have a minute."

"Will do," Matt replied quickly. "And um … take care of him, for us all, you know."

"I promise," Kur said emotionally. He hung up and hurried into the bedroom where Blaine was getting out of bed. "I thought you were gone," Blaine said and wiped a tear away.

"No, baby," Kurt said and hugged him. "I promised I'd stay, remember?"

Blaine shook in his arms. "What is happening to me?" he asked and let his head drop down on Kurt's shoulders.

Kurt tangled his fingers into the familiar, dark hair. "I'm not sure, baby. I just think you're … stressed out and you need to rest … a lot."

Blaine forced himself to stand taller. "But I can't, I have way too much to do." He went blank again. "There's a song I have to finish, but I don't remember." His eyes snapped back to Kurt. "Have you seen my phone?"

Kurt pressed his lips hard together. "I have," he said. Let me make you a bed on the couch and then I'll go get it for you. But you don't have to worry. I've already rescheduled your plans for today and it's alright for you to stay home and get some sleep."

Cooper came just as Kurt had positioned Blaine on the couch, already drifting off again with his phone clutched in his hand. Cooper hugged Kurt for a long time. "We will find a way to help him," he said when Kurt teared up once more.

"It just breaks my heart to see him like this."

"I know," Cooper said and looked at his brother. Then he walked quietly to the couch and took Blaine's hand. "Hey Bee," Cooper smiled as soon as they made eye contact.

"Coops," Blaine responded with heavy eyelids.

"How are you doing, buddy?"

"I'm freezing; maybe you could get me one more blanket."

Cooper put his hand on Blaine's forehead. "I think he's catching a fever."

Kurt joined them and put his hand on Blaine's cheek. It was warm sure enough. "I'll get that blanket," he said and kissed Blaine's temple.

"Thank you," Blaine mumbled.

"Is there anything else you need?" Cooper asked, trying to keep his brother awake for a bit longer. "A glass of water, maybe?"

"No thanks, but maybe my phone, I need to check if I have any meetings today."

"Your phone's right in your hand," Kurt answered devastated as he covered him up in the third blanket. "But you don't have to be anywhere today, remember?"

"Yea right, I keep forgetting," Blaine said before he drifted away again.

Cooper caught Kurt's eyes. "He should probably see a doctor," he whispered.

Kurt nodded. "He has an appointment for tomorrow at noon," he whispered back.

They both returned to the kitchen. "I'll stay here for as long as you need me," Cooper said, "and Katie will bring us dinner around 7. If you have places to be I'll look out for him."

"No," Kurt burst out. "I'm not leaving him like this, but thanks for staying. I really appreciate that."

At 7 Katie arrived with something to eat as promised. She was most concerned about Blaine's unwillingness to drink anything, but he persistently turned away whatever they offered. He was still drifting in and out of sleep and his cheeks were blushing from fever, but he was calmer now and seemed to have accepted his condition for the time being. Cooper and Katie left around 10 after they had helped Blaine back to bed again. And when Kurt fell asleep next to him, holding his warm hand in his, he willed himself to be more confident about tomorrow. He would  _have_  to convince Blaine to take a serious break. And he wouldn't budge this time. Things were getting way too serious.


	2. Turning Tables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reviews and kudos! Means a lot. :)  
> Chapter 2 - here we go.

"Kurt?" Cooper's voice was sleepy. "It's the middle of the night. Is everything okay?"

"Oh thank God for picking up," Kurt said crying. "It has gotten worse, much worse. His fever is rising and he's confused. I'm not sure he even knows where he is and it's hard to make contact." The panic pressed down on Kurt's chest like an iron footprint as the words stumbled on their way out of his mouth.

"Kurt, take a deep breath. I'm not getting a word of what you're saying."

Kurt did his best to obey, but his body wouldn't cooperate. "Blaine is getting sick. You have to come over. I don't know what to do," he stuttered and blinked tears away as rapidly as they appeared.

"Of course we'll come," Cooper said. Kurt could hear muffled sounds in the background and Katie speaking. "We are up now," Cooper continued and we'll be there in 20 minutes. Did you call the hospital?"

"Yes, but they can't send an ambulance right away. They want me to take a cab, but he can hardly stand on his feet. I can't do this on my own, Coops. I'm so scared."

"Don't worry," Cooper said," we'll get there as fast as we can. But if it gets any worse promise me you'll call the hospital again, right?"

"I will. I will. Just hurry."

"Katie will take the phone now, Kurt, while I get dressed."

Kurt just nodded as if Copper could see him and began pacing the floor from the living room to the bedroom and back again. Blaine was moaning quietly, neither awake or asleep.

"Hi Kurt." Katie's voice was calm in his ear. "Could you please tell me exactly how Blaine is reacting and what you can see?"

"Yes, I'll try." Kurt closed his eyes to get his focus back. "Oh God, I don't know why I'm losing it, Katie."

"You love him Kurt and it's perfectly normal. I just need a few details that's all and you're doing great."

"Okay … okay, um, he's got a really high fever and it's like he talks in his sleep. He is shivering and he still doesn't want to drink anything. I'm just so scared he will go into a seizure. I wouldn't know the first thing to do if he did."

"We're in the car now," Katie explained as the sound of a door being shut was heard through the phone.

"The car is good," Kurt muttered and picked up the pace. "The car is good."

"Now I want you to do something for me," Katie continued. "Go into the living room and sit down for a minute."

"No, then I can't see him!"

"I know, but I need you to listen to me and you don't do that when all your attention is solely on Blaine."

Kurt snuffled and did what he was told, still catching tears on their way down his cheeks. With a deep breath he dropped down on the couch. "Okay, I'm listening."

"Great," Katie said. "Here's the thing. It's unlikely that Blaine will go into a febrile seizure, only small children do that. He needs to drink something but if you can't make him they will hydrate him at the hospital. Make sure he's not covered up in sheets and take some of his clothes off if he wears too much. That will prevent the fever from rising any more. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can do that," Kurt said and registered how the top of his anxiety caved.

"And Kurt?"

"Yes."

"Blaine needs you to be strong right now and he'll be alright. I'm sure of it."

"I'm sorry I freaked out," Kurt said unhappily.

"Don't be. You're doing fine and we'll see you before you know it."

When Katie had hung up Kurt went back to the bedroom fighting to stay in a calmer state of mind. He stroked Blaine gently on the cheek. He was reduced to a shivering bundle of blankets barely responding to the touch. "Baby," Kurt begged. "We have to get you untangled here. I know it will be uncomfortable, but it's just for a little while."

He pulled the sheets and blankets away from the warm body before he opened the window and let the cool spring air breeze into the dimmed room.

"Too cold," Blaine moaned with rattling teeth and pulled his knees up to his chest. Kurt managed to stop the tears this time and got down in the bed next to Blaine instead. He put their heads together and placed his arm around his lover. Blaine's beautiful olive skin was burning like it was on fire and drops of sweat found their way through tangled chest hair.

"I'm so sorry baby, for not taking enough care of you and for not making you stop when I could see how exhausted you were," Kurt said quietly. "That was my job to do and I failed." Blaine still didn't respond to anything other than pressing his body closer to Kurt, constantly searching for cover. "I've got you now," Kurt whispered.

Cooper and Katie found them like that, holding on to each other. "Hey Kurt," Katie said softly. "I'm going to pack a bag for both of you while you and Cooper carry Blaine down to the car. Then you can stay at the hospital for the rest of the night."

"Thank you," Kurt said, beyond grateful that he was no longer by himself. He reluctantly let go of Blaine and rolled out of bed. It's was 3 in the morning and the lack of sleep had made him dizzy.

Cooper tried to get in touch with his brother, but Blaine was lost in his feverish world. "It wasn't nearly as bad when we left you guys last night," he said worriedly.

"No," Kurt confirmed, "I fell asleep next to him and he seemed fine, but after a couple of hours I woke up because he was burning up like this." Kurt bit his lip as yet another scary thought occured. "What if his body is shutting down caused by the stress he's been under? Is that possible?"

Katie entered the bedroom, carrying a bag. "I don't think his body is shutting down," she said and searched for a few necessities in their closet. "I think his body is trying to help him. It's preventing him from pushing it any further. It's clever that way." She zipped the bag and smiled reassuringly. Kurt admired her soothing way of dealing with the entire situation.

In the meantime Cooper had tucked a blanket around Blaine. "Kurt, if you carry him, Katie can open doors in front of you and I'll be behind you in case he gets too heavy."

Kurt nodded and came around to the bedside. Gently he put his arms underneath Blaine's back and knees and lifted him carefully onto his chest. Blaine immediately put his arms around Kurt's neck and held on tight, still trembling. "It's alright," Kurt whispered. "I've got you."

From that point everything felt like slow motion. The elevator moved too slowly, the car was too far away, the traffic was too heavy in spite of the late hour, and the lights didn't change fast enough. Kurt grew desperately impatient as he watched Blaine's restless face and in a split second he wondered if he could run faster with Blaine in his arms. The very moment Cooper drove up to the hospital entrance, Katie jumped out and disappeared into the big solid building to get hold of a wheelchair or a stretcher. A few minutes later she returned with a guy in hospital clothing who quickly opened the door to the back seat and checked up on Blaine's responses. Then he smiled at Kurt, who still held on desperately to Blaine. "My name is Joe," he said and shook Kurt's hand. He seemed strong and trustworthy enough. "If you can push Blaine a bit in my direction I'll get a real good hold on him, I promise." Kurt reluctantly let go and watched carefully as Joe lifted Blaine up on a stretcher before he got out himself. He immediately made sure Blaine was covered in the blanket and was lying okay.

"Come walk with me," Joe said and nodded towards the hospital doors as Katie and Cooper drove off to find a parking spot. "So, what's the story here? What happened?" Joe asked.

Kurt followed the fast pace, grateful that Blaine was finally in safe hands. "Um … he's been under a lot of stress lately and acted weird this morning. He's been sleeping all day, been confused and now he's got this high fever."

"Is he allergic to penicillin?"

"No"

"Taking any medication we should know of?"

"No."

They went through the electronic doors and stopped by the counter. Blaine's name got attached to a small board, added the small bit of information Kurt had been able to provide. "If you stay here and fill out the papers someone will come and talk to you when Blaine has been examined," Joe said and nodded a quick goodbye.

Kurt raised a hand to wave to Blaine but to no use and all he could do was watch Joe disappear with his loved one through another door. Suddenly the smell of hospital hit him like a heavy pillow. Unfamiliar, but still too recognizable. In spite of the years that had passed since his dad's heart attack, Kurt's body hadn't forgotten and reactions that weren't connected to this very moment, popped up like reminders. The lady at the counter called out his name and pushed the insurance papers his way just as Cooper and Katie joined him again. Together they filled out the mandatory forms and some, before the desk lady was satisfied and then were seated on reasonable chairs in the waiting area while Katie provided coffee for them all.

Little by little the adrenalin that had fueled Kurt's body disappeared and left him tired and sad. Fractions of everything that had happened since he woke up alone in bed this morning attacked his brain like electronic impulses and he kept going over the changes in Blaine's behavior throughout the day. He missed him. He missed being close to him and laughing about stupid silly things with him; things that no one else got.

"They will probably keep him for observation," Cooper said, being the first one to speak. "And once the fever is gone he'll be home in no time."

"I know," Kurt said quietly, "I'm just not sure what he will come home to. This could potentially ruin the record deal and even though I hate what that deal has done to him, he will still be devastated."

"Kurt, he's a fighter. He'll bounce back," Cooper tried.

"We should have gone to Italy, just as we had planned," Kurt stated, blank faced. "A vacation would have done him good. After everything that happened with Sam and Dub last year he was sort of emotionally drained."

"But it was his choice not to go, right?" Katie asked.

Kurt closed his eyes. "Yes, but I could have pushed him more. I knew he needed the break."

"And take away what looked like a lifetime opportunity for him?" Cooper asked. "Kurt, we all thought it would be a breakthrough for the band. It would have been wrong to stop him. Sometimes life just gives us the opposite of what we expect. The only thing Blaine truly needs right now is to be assured that we're there for him … and that we're strong when he can't be."

"I just love him so much," Kurt whispered and let Katie take his hand.

Waiting was a bitch. Thoughts spiraled out of control and chased away reason. Different outcomes waved back and forth in Kurt's mind from worse case scenario to Blaine coming home with him right away, falling asleep in his arm's - just like he was supposed to. After a solid hour a doctor finally approached. She looked small in appearance with blondish hair tucked away behind her ears and white solid rubber shoes. Her kind eyes made Kurt like her.

"Are you the relatives of Blaine Anderson?" she asked.

"Yes," Cooper answered jumpy. "I'm his brother, this is my wife, Katie, and Kurt is Blaine's boyfriend."

The doctor's eyes lingered on Kurt. "I am Denise and I'm the one who examined Blaine," she said and smiled. "First I want to tell you all that Blaine is doing fine and there's no need to worry." Kurt's knees weakened from relief. "We've run a few tests on him and his infection number is normal despite the high fever, which indicates that it's not an infection causing the fever."

Cooper frowned. "If there's no infection then why the fever?"

"We don't know yet," Denise answered. "Sometimes infections are too small to be detected at first. But we will test him again in a few days if his temperature doesn't fall. Another option could be an allergic reaction to something he ate, but if he hasn't changed his diet lately that wouldn't be my first concern." She looked at her chart. "He is dehydrated, quite a lot, and that alone can actually make people confused and disillusioned."

"Could that be all?" Kurt asked hopeful. "That he is just dehydrated, I mean?"

"No, it's more complicated than that," Denise emphasized. "He seems … fatigued overall; stressed out and compared with the information you have given us, Kurt, I think he is having a nervous breakdown. The fever and the confusion could very well be a "timeout" ordered by his body. And whenever a reaction is as heavy as this one, he  _will_  be forced to listen or else he could get really sick." She looked at Kurt again. "Hear me right. I'm not alarmed by any of his symptoms so far, but he  _has_ to take the time he needs to recover. And that's usually a lot longer than most people like."

"How long?" Kurt asked

"Start out with 3 - 6 months, and if his symptoms aren't gone by then, even longer than that."

Kurt exhaled slowly through pursed lips. How was he ever going to pull that off with Blaine. The guy could hardly sit down for two minutes. Denise seemed to read his mind. "I know it's a tough call and Blaine will need all the help he can get, but it's really important."

"It might be necessary to sit on him," Kurt admitted, which made Cooper huff out a laugh.

"We'll take turns, Kurt," he said, smiling.

Kurt smiled back. "He is going to be in so much trouble if he doesn't behave." It felt freeing to know  _how_  to help. "Is he alright now? Kurt then asked Denise. "Can we see him?"

"Sure," she answered and led them along. "He's on medication because we needed to lower the fever and it's making him sleepy, so don't expect too much of him until tomorrow at some point. Oh, and if you have any questions you can always ask. This week I'm on night shifts but Doctor Joseph will be here during the day, so he will be your main contact." She made a stop when they were almost at the end of the hallway. "He will probably be removed from ER tomorrow, but for the rest of the night he'll stay in this room." She pushed the door open for them and let them be alone.

The first thing Kurt saw was damp curls framing a face at peace; his Blaine, sound asleep with a nice even breath. He smiled through tears as he stepped closer and gently caressed the sleeping man. He put his lips down to Blaine's temples and inhaled the smell of light sweat and left over hair familiarity rushed to the core of him. Everything would be alright and that was all he needed to know at this very moment.

Cooper stepped closer and put a soothing hand on Kurt's back as he squeezed his brother's hand, resting on the cover. "Silly boy," he said and smiled relieved. "Don't ever scare us like that again."

Kurt side eyed Cooper. "Thanks for being cool, when I lost it," he said humbled.

"I was not cool," Cooper stated.

"Yeah, you were."

"Not in the car on our way over to you. Go ahead and ask Katie."

"He was not cool at all!" Katie giggled from behind them. "He was a rambling mess."

"I wasn't  _that_  bad," Cooper objected weakly.

"Yes you were!"

Cooper shrugged and nudged Kurt. "There you go."

Kurt chuckled. "Who's going to look after Blaine if you and I can't keep our shit together?"

Katie crossed her arms. "I'll get business done, don't worry about it, you two whiney heads." The two men objected vigorously as they willingly let her drag them into a group hug.

Reassured that Blaine was not the least disturbed by them, Cooper and Katie stayed for another hour before they had to go home. Kurt hadn't been sitting in the armchair next to Blaine for more two minutes before he drifted off; knees to his chest and his head resting on a pillow Katie had brought together with a blanket. Soon he was as fast asleep as was the love of his life.


	3. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the great response, for the reviews and the follows - and welcome to those of you who have just stepped into the Cordelia verse.
> 
> I have added one more Beta-reader to this story and I'm thrilled about our work together. So let me introduce you to Claudia (claudiavonberckefeldt) on tumblr she is: yesilovetosing - go check her out :)
> 
> Claudia will help me out with something specific that I can't reveal just yet.
> 
> Here we go with chapter 3.

The first time Blaine woke up he registered three things. He was tired to the bones and sore in every muscle his body contained, as if he had been run over by a truck; Kurt was sound asleep in an armchair next to him - and something highly suspicious was going on with his private parts. But, he was too tired to check it out.

The second time he came around he looked into a pair of baby blue eyes, welling up by the sight of him. "Hey, baby," Kurt said and smiled bravely.

Dots tried to reach each other in Blaine's head, but he only caught bits and pieces of what had happened. He reached out and dried Kurt's tears away with his thumb. "Why are you crying?" he asked with a raspy unfamiliar voice.

Kurt took his hand and kissed each knuckle. "I just love you so unbelievably much and you scared the shit out of me yesterday. That's all."

Kurt gave him a glass of ice water with a straw in it and Blaine sipped enough to moisten his dry lips. "I'm alright, though. I'm just tired," Blaine said and viewed his surroundings. "And in the hospital, apparently."

"You really don't remember getting here?" Kurt asked.

"Maybe, it's sort of blurred. How long have I been here?"

"You came in last night. Cooper and Katie picked us up."

"I kind of remember that." Blaine followed the drip in his hand and the tube connected to it.

"That's for fluid," Kurt explained. "You hadn't been drinking enough for awhile. What else do you remember?"

Blaine searched his mind. "Um, I remember feeling terrible. I got sick and had a fever and was nauseous and dizzy, oh yeah, and someone was constantly taking blankets off of me and opening windows." He rose an eyebrow and glanced at Kurt.

"Oh my god, I thought you were seriously out of reach at that point," Kurt uttered, "and it wasn't constantly. I did it once."

"I was freezing!"

"It was Katie who told me to do it."

"I better have a word with Katie then," Blaine added.

"Oh come here, silly," Kurt laughed and pulled Blaine closer for a kiss.

But to Kurt's dismay their lips had barely touched before Blaine pulled away frowning. "Hang on a minute. I've got to check something." He removed his cover with a swift movement. "No, no, no, they didn't!" he moaned and covered himself up immediately.

"Did what?" Kurt asked confused until an understanding "oh" slipped away.

"Yes, OH, Kurt!" Blaine spat out. "You have to get someone to come. I don't want a tube in my dick!" Kurt pressed his lips hard together ready to burst out laughing. "Seriously Kurt, this is so humiliating."

"Don't you think it would have been more humiliating if you had peed all over yourself in your sleep?" Kurt giggled.

"Maybe, but someone must have stripped me down and handled my dick without my consent. That is not cool." He side eyed Kurt, not entirely satisfied with his boyfriend's lack of compassion for his situation. Then he couldn't keep it together himself. "Well at least I got you laughing instead of crying," he muttered through a smile. "Now will you please find a nurse - and I would appreciate a male kind."

Kurt's smile faltered immediately. "Not a chance, the female ones are doing fine."

When a nurse, around his mother's age, responded to the buzzer, Blaine was at a loss for words. He would simply not survive this.

"Hi Blaine," the nurse said excitedly, "so good to see those pretty eyes of yours." She pointed to her nametag like a stewardess showing him the emergency door. "My name is Mary and if you need help with anything I'm your go-to-gal." She laughed at her own perkiness. "Now what can I do you for?"

Blaine could literally feel his dick shrink to pea size. "I think ... I'm able to pee on my own now," he stated and found a spot on the ceiling to give his undivided focus.

"Oh, but of course," Mary chirped away, "let me remove that catheter for yah. It's just one swift tug and you're all free and happy down there again."

Kurt bit his lip, barely keeping it together. "Maybe I should just … wait outside," he stuttered.

Blaine caught his arm faster than a fish catching a fly on the surface. "You're staying Kurt."

"Oookay," Kurt said and sat down obediently on the edge of the chair and looked at Mary with big eyes.

To say it was just a swift tug wasn't a lie, but it hurt like shit and the feeling was more uncomfortable than anything Blaine had experienced before. When it was all done and Blaine was covered up properly again Mary patted him on his arm. "You better go out and pee as soon as you can," she said motherly and winked. "Just so we know everything is working the way it's supposed to."

Blaine closed his eyes. "I promise," he said, barely opening his mouth.

"And remember I'm only a buzz away," she laughed again.

When Mary was well out the door Kurt lost it completely and laughed until the tears were running again. "I swear, Kurt, if you ever tell anybody about this I'm never speaking to you again."

"Noted," Kurt giggled.

Blaine rolled his eyes and suddenly noticed a small table with flowers and gifts on it, all colorful and bright against the white walls. "Wow, who are they all from?"

Kurt reduced his giddiness to a wide smile and pointed out the different bouquets. "This one is from Dub and Joyce," he said about the most sophisticated bouquet. "And it came with a drawing from Kevin."

Blaine unfolded the paper Kurt handed him. It was a picture of Blaine playing all sorts of instruments in a cartoonish style. "This is so sweet," he mumbled and let his finger follow each drawing. "He must think very highly of me if he thinks I can play the saw, though."

"Who knows," Kurt said and reached out for a picture leaning up against a bouquet of orange Daisies and wild flowers. "This is from Ally, Fred and Jasmine."

The picture was gorgeous and a four month old Jasmine smiled toothless at them from her mother's arms. "She is just the cutest kid ever," Blaine chuckled. "As much of a surprise she was it's impossible to imagine Ally and Fred without her."

"Definitely - she's part of everything from now on." Kurt put the picture back, smiling at the family in the picture. "The last gift is from the New York gang - Tana, Charlene, Finn, Rachel, Sam and Cedes. " Kurt read the names from the card that was placed in a basket with goodies of all kinds.

"There must be snacks enough for months," Blaine said and looked through the stuff in the basket. "And three movies, magazines and tickets for the theater. They seem to believe I'm bored."

Blaine wasn't bored, but an hour later he was too tired to stay awake anymore. He had managed to eat a bit, drink all of his ice water - because they had promised to remove the drip in his arm if he did - and peed, all on his own; to nurse Mary's complete satisfaction. He was exhausted but made Kurt promise to stay around even if he fell asleep.

* * *

Cooper arrived at the hospital just as Kurt was finishing up on a couple of phone calls in the hallway. His dad and Carol were on their way from Ohio and the Andersons would arrive late in the afternoon. Besides the closest family Kurt had kept Matt, Sam and Ally posted. Ally had been the most protective of them all and the one Kurt had to take care of the most. She was devastated that it had come to this and more than willing to come and give Blaine a piece of her mind if he wasn't willing to slow down.

"How is he?"" Cooper asked out of breath once Kurt hung up.

"Better than I thought, actually. His sense of humor is unharmed at least." Kurt smiled weakly.

"But? But what? I can hear it Kurt," Cooper proceeded.

"We haven't talked about the real issues, you know, about what really happened or what it will take for him to get back on his feet."

Cooper crossed his arms nervously. "We don't have to go there just yet. Let him come around first."

"I agree, Coops, but you know he is going to ask questions before the day is done and we can't go soft on him."

"No, no … of course."

The two men looked at each other. They were probably the most important people in Blaine's life at the moment and they  _had_  to agree on the decisions coming ahead. "Look, I will stay here in the common room," Kurt said. "Matt is visiting to update me on the status about the record deal and the band. You can go and sit next to him. He will be thrilled to see you when he wakes up again."

"Thank you," Cooper said gratefully and hugged him before he tip toed into Blaine's room.

For the remainder of the day Blaine only had as many visitors as he could handle, which was narrowed down to family alone. A lot of people had called, but Kurt had been protective about Blaine's level of energy and no one blamed him. Early in the evening Kurt decided to take Burt and Carole out for dinner and left Blaine to spend some time alone with his parents.

Being with his dad and Carole felt like a safe haven, and for awhile Kurt allowed himself to be a son instead of a boyfriend with a lot of responsibilities. He asked about things at home and how it had been for Carole to see Finn off to New York - and he told about his latest audition for Sweeney Todd that actually looked promising. Once they returned to Blaine's situation Carole encouraged him the best way she could as a nurse and supported his decision to deal with the seriousness of it all. His dad told him to trust his instincts and fight for Blaine, like he always had. They offered to stay in town until Blaine could leave the hospital and Kurt accepted gratefully. The loft apartment was available again after Mercedes and Sam had found a place of their own and Kurt took time to install his family there before he headed back to the hospital.

The night faced him with uncertainty. He could definitely use a good night's sleep in his own bed instead of the uncomfortable armchair next to Blaine - but he hated sleeping alone and Blaine might still need him.

The hospital department had quiet down significantly when Kurt returned. He met James and Rebecca Anderson just as they were leaving for their hotel. They looked tired and troubled even though Rebecca did her best to hide it. "Did you have a nice evening?" she asked and hugged him.

"Oh, I did. Thank you very much," Kurt answered. "How about you?" He looked expectantly at the couple.

"I don't think Blaine gets how serious this is," James sighed. "He keeps neglecting the facts and what the doctors have told him … but maybe we expect too much of him right now." Mr. Anderson tried to smile. "He needs time to make the pieces fit."

"I know," Kurt agreed. "I think they have scheduled a session with a therapist tomorrow and hopefully that will be of some help, not just for Blaine, but for us too. Is he sleeping now?"

Rebecca shook her head. "He's tired, but I think he's waiting for you."

"I'll go check on him right away," Kurt answered. "Oh, I almost forgot, my dad and Carole would like to see you for breakfast tomorrow and then you can all come here."

They said goodnight to each other and Kurt was about to leave when James stopped him on his own. "I just … Kurt if there is anything I can do, on practical matters, you will call me right?"

Kurt didn't know James that well when it came down to it. He had always left Blaine a lot of space to spend time with his father alone. But for a split second he saw this strong man beg for help and beg for something to do. He saw the love James had for his youngest son and his need to be involved. He still remembered how sensitive Blaine had been about James supporting A Song For Cordelia financially. But so much had changed since then and distrust had been replaced with respect and a loving relationship between father and son. "There might be something, actually, but I will have to get back to you. I need to check up on a few things before I get you involved."

James smiled for real this time. "I will do everything I can. You just say when."

* * *

When Kurt entered the dimmed room Blaine was staring blankly ahead. His lips were slightly pressed together as if he was holding something back; words or feelings. Kurt knew the expression and braced himself for whatever might come. "It's been a long day, huh," Kurt said and sat down at the edge of the bed. The dark spots underneath Blaine's eyes bore witness to the exhaustion.

"I don't know," Blaine said. "I've done nothing but lay here, being treated like I'm not only sick, but also a mental case, but I guess that can be labelled as a long day, too."

Kurt had hoped this conversation could have belonged to tomorrow, but Blaine's haunted eyes told him otherwise. "You're not a mental case, baby, but this goes beyond dehydration and a fever."

"No it doesn't," Blaine spat out. "I'm freaking tired and I need to sleep, but I swear to god, being constantly told that I'm stressed out and can't work for months is stressing me out way more than anything!" He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with impatient movements. "I want to talk to Matt. I need to know what is happening with our record deal. It's inexcusable that I blew that meeting in the first place, but maybe we can patch things up and get started again. And I need to leave this freaking hospital where they put tubes in your dick while you're sleeping. I don't want to be here."

The urge to reach out for Blaine's hand was overwhelming but Kurt knew it was not what was needed at this moment. "What do you really remember about yesterday?" he asked instead.

"That I got a fever. I've already told you that," Blaine hissed.

"Before the fever," Kurt precised calmly.

"I don't know," Blaine answered annoyed. "I hadn't slept much and I guess … I guess I felt a bit overwhelmed. Everybody feels that from time to time, don't tell me otherwise."

"So you don't really remember, do you?" Kurt held his stare until Blaine looked away defiantly. "Then let me tell you what happened and why everybody who loves you is worried sick. You couldn't read your own notes from a music sheet; the ones you'd written just hours before. Your brain couldn't recall their names or how they were supposed to be played on the piano. And when you tried to press down the keys to play, your fingers prickled like they wouldn't function. You kept opening and closing your hands in fists, like an ongoing movement that couldn't be stopped." Kurt's mouth dried out as he relived the moment all over again. "You couldn't remember your schedule for the day and you were not entirely sure about what kind of song you were composing or what it was supposed to be used for. Then you kept asking for your phone ... even though it was right in front of you. You even asked for it … while you were holding it in your hand." Kurt's voice broke as he continued. "You kept repeating the same questions over and over; questions that I had already answered a thousand times. Do you know how hard it was to see you break like that? To watch you crumble into something that didn't made sense and just … not know what to do about it or how to help you?" He cried. "I have blamed myself  _so much_  for this. I overlooked all the signs that could have told me just how miserable you were … and I was too afraid to admit that I was miserable, too."

Big, crystal clear tears ran down Blaine's cheeks as fear and uncertainty replaced stubbornness. He found Kurt's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Oh god, I didn't know," he whispered unhappily, "I didn't know any of it."

Kurt found Blaine's lips and kissed him gently. "We can find our way back, Blaine, to who we were before crazy schedules and producers asking for outrageous things."

By the mention of the producer Blaine pulled away and turned his head so Kurt couldn't see him. "I still need to talk to Matt," he said.

Disappointment rushed through Kurt in heavy waves. He missed Blaine to the core of his bones, missed feeling connected and close, but he couldn't take what Blaine wasn't ready to give him. "Yes, of course," he said with a small voice. "I've already arranged for him to come tomorrow. Is there anything else I can do?"

Blaine swallowed hard. "Yes, just give me some time on my own. I … need a moment alone."

"Of course," Kurt repeated devastated and squeezed Blaine's hand before he let go and left the room.

Blaine kept still without moving an inch of his body as too much information mixed with feelings he could hardly identify pressed against every wall of his being. His head was near explosion, he could barely breathe, let alone think. He couldn't decide what was worse; the things Kurt had told him, or the fact that he didn't recognize  _any_  of it. Was he really losing his mind? Was he going crazy? Maybe you're the last one to notice just before you turn raving mad. No, no, no. That wasn't it. This was not out of his control. He just needed to keep going; to finish what he had started and compose those stupid songs. Yes, that he could do. He would prove to all of them that he wasn't broken, that he was stronger that they thought. So, he was knocked down, but he refused to stay down. There were a ton of songs about that. Songs, songs. Yes, he would sit down in front of the piano and keep writing until he was done; keep writing, and composing … and singing.

The terror hit him like lightning, out of nowhere but so powerful that it paralyzed everything it touched. Fear made him short of breath and pushed his heart rate until he could hear it pounding in his ears. Anxiety threatened to overtake him completely within a split second and his cry for help was instinctively formed into one single word. "KURT!"

Kurt came through the door and rushed to his bedside in a matter of seconds. "I'm here, I'm here," Kurt breathed out and held him tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Blaine sobbed. "I don't want to be alone. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Kurt held on and let Blaine rest against his chest. "You'll be alright, baby, I promise. We will fix you together and I have a plan how to do it; just you and me."

Little by little Kurt managed to calm him down. "Will you stay here tonight?" Blaine asked with a raspy voice.

"And sleep in the shitty armchair?" Kurt asked with a smile. "Of course, for as many nights as you want me to."


	4. Reduce Stress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally back with chapter 5
> 
> Thank you for great respons - not just for the Cordelia verse, but for Never Say Never too.  
> For those of you who liked NSN I can reveal that I'm submitting a new CC story in the upcoming CC-Bang

Blaine was proud of himself; sort of. On his fourth day at the hospital he had managed to take a shower all by himself without getting too dizzy or having to sit down on the cold tiles along the way. Although it meant he had to nap for an hour afterwards, that was a part of his new condition, apparently. The fever was completely gone, so was his appetite, but he was working on the latter cheered on by Kurt and Nurse Mary, bless her eager soul. In many ways it felt like his body had betrayed him. It didn't respond the way he was used to and he couldn't persuade it or trick it into doing things it wouldn't do. The payback could be anything from an imminent headache, an anxiety attack or the fever returning. He never knew. Sometimes it was the littlest things, stupid details he wasn't paying attention to.

Anything connected to his future or issues that would require a decision being made was like climbing Mount Everest. How was he supposed to conquer Everest when a simple shower exhausted him to the bone.

Another very noticeable change was an extreme sensitivity to any kind of noise; too many people talking or laughing. It confused his mind and tired him out completely. Even music was noise. A blur of instruments crashing together without making the perfect sense it once had. It stressed him out instead of bringing energy and joy. Matt had played a few numbers from a new band he had discovered the day before, but Blaine had unhappily told him to turn it off. It was beyond frustrating and confusing to shut out all music when it had been the center of his life for so long. He had tried to deal with it calmly but it stirred inside of him like a monster, ready to attack when he least expected it. Matt hadn't been too concerned though. "It will come back Blaine, when you're ready, just don't push it."

They hadn't discussed the band for more than a few minutes, Kurt had made sure of that, which meant Blaine only knew that the record deal was on pause and the fans had been told that Sound Of Seduction was on a creative hiatus. That was all he needed to know. What had been his heart and obsession for months was reduced to something he couldn't contain. It was a relief that Kurt had taken over; like he instinctively knew how much Blaine could manage and what would be too much.

But at night, when Kurt wasn't there and the darkness closed in on him, he cried. He knew Kurt gladly would have kept sleeping in the chair next to him every night, but Blaine knew he needed better sleep than that - and this was the price he had to pay.

Thoughts he hardly recognized as his own invaded him in unguarded moments and questioned if Kurt would still love him if he never got better. Who he was now, was not the person Kurt had fallen in love with - and who was he to take that love for granted? With his mind he knew it was insane to doubt their strength as a couple or question Kurt's feelings for him - but his heart was acting weird, just like the rest of his body.

* * *

Kurt enjoyed Carol's company as they small talked in the kitchen, preparing a delicious dinner. Kurt was making parsleyed corn and salad while Carol was frying chicken. On top of that a wonderful sweet smell spread from a steaming hot apple crumb pie Carol had just pulled out of the oven. It was a scent of childhood and home and it made Kurt feel warm and safe. They would be nine for dinner and the purpose was more than having a nice evening together. Kurt needed approval for what he had in store for him and Blaine and he needed their loved ones to be on board before Blaine returned home.

"Want me to set the tables?" Burt hummed behind the papers, not moving an inch.

"Yes, dad, that would be amazing," Kurt said and raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" Burt asked surprised and glance up from his paper.

"Yes, really, dad - you're getting a bit too comfortable now that Finn and I have left home."

"You left ages ago, kiddo."

"Makes no difference. The plates are in the cabinet."

Burt sighed. "Alright, setting the table it is." He winked at Carol as he got up and gave her a peck on the lips on his way.

"If I didn't know any better I would have believed that the two of you had been married forever," Kurt added head shakingly.

"You just wait and see, this will be you and Blaine in a not so far away future."

"No it won't. It's different when you are two guys. We don't have traditional gender roles."

"You don't?" Burt chuckled.

"No."

"Who does the laundry?" Burt asked.

"I do."

"Who buy groceries?"

"Blaine."

"What about cooking?"

"Blaine, most of the time. He likes to cook," Kurt explained when he caught his father smug face.

"Finances?" Burt continued.

"Me. I had to learn when Ally and I started our own business."

Burt carefully put the plates on the table. "Is it safe to say that the two of you have different roles when it comes to domestic work?"

"I guess, but it's still not about gender roles. We do what we like to do and what we're good at," Kurt pointed out.

"So do Carol and I."

Kurt faced Carol. "Seriously, wouldn't it be nice if he cooked once in awhile?"

Carol shook her head vigorously. "You know his cooking skills, honey, I don't even know why you are bringing it up."

"Because … because … oh for god's sake, never mind," Kurt capitulated and went for the door as someone knocked.

Rebecca and James were the first ones to arrive and soon after followed Cooper and Katie. Sam came right on time and Matt was 10 minutes late, as usual. Mercedes and Santana had promised to visit Blaine at the hospital in the meantime and would keep quiet about the dinner. It was not a secret per se, but Kurt knew it would make Blaine uncomfortable if he figured out they were all discussing his future without him.

With everybody safely arrived and the well prepared dinner on the table, it didn't take long before chit chat and laughter filled every corner of the apartment. Kurt and Carol received the appropriate praise for their cooking skills and the general mood rose after a couple of rough days.

After dinner Sam and Matt offered to do the dishes in the most gentlemanly manners. Half an hour later the two boys left the kitchen spotless and it was finally time to talk.

Kurt felt nervous all at once and had to brave up before he could get started. "Um … as you all know Blaine will come home tomorrow … and I can't wait to have him back here where he belongs." Everyone smiled back in understanding. "I have thought a great deal about the next couple of months and what would be best for Blaine," he continued, "and one thing has become very clear. In order to give Blaine all the rest he needs I  _have_  to get him out of New York."

Cooper shifted slightly in his chair. "Are you talking about some sort of facility?"

"No, not quite. I … " Kurt stopped abruptly, "I think it's important … I just ... I need to be with him," he finally admitted with a shaky breath. "We need to spend these next months together. I can't be in New York if he is somewhere else. I would never be able to function or focus on anything at all."

"That makes sense," Burt stated. "So what's on your mind, kiddo?"

"Well, Blaine has always talked about Italy. I'm sure you remember we had planned to go there last summer."

"You're going on a vacation, then?" Cooper clarified.

"No I'm talking about moving there for at least four months, maybe six."

Everybody around the table got really quiet.

"That's a big responsibility, Kurt," Carol interjected. "Do you think you can handle it? None of us know how Blaine will react in the long term."

"I realize that it's a huge responsibility. But Blaine and I are having a meeting with his therapist tomorrow morning and he will talk to us about the things to expect while Blaine recovers. The therapist will also be on call if anything changes. Our insurance furthermore guarantees any help we might need while we're abroad."

"Does Blaine know anything about this?" Cooper asked suspicious.

"No, not yet," Kurt admitted. "I am trying to sort out most of the details before I talk to him or else he will worry about a trazillion things."

"But what about _your_  work, here in New York?" Burt added. "Can you just take off like that? You were auditioning for that Sweeney Todd thing, right?"

Kurt embraced himself. "I actually got the Sweeney Todd part, Stevenson called last night - but I've also declined it." Burt opened his mouth to object but Kurt shot him down with just one look. He knew his dad would worry about passing on an opportunity like this but he would fight whatever attempt being made to make him change his heart. It would not happen. "Look, whether I'm in Italy or New York I would  _never_  let myself get involved in something that demanding while Blaine is sick."

"I hear what you're saying Kurt," Cooper stuttered. "But why that far away and why for such a long time? There must be plenty of other ways to guarantee my brother's recovery. There are great sanctuaries here in the States where you can both be together. Or, or maybe you guys just need a breather in Ohio. Go down memory lane, swing by McKinley and Dalton. That could be ... maybe that's what Blaine needs. And then when he's feeling better, sure you can take a couple of weeks in Italy, being real tourists and all. I'm sure it will refresh both of you by then. " He ran out of breath.

Rebecca and James had been quiet up until now and Cooper reached for support. "Mom, Dad - don't you have anything to say? Am I the only one not being comfortable with Blaine being that far away in the state he's in?"

James locked eyes with his oldest son and nothing but love showed. "I'll miss him too, Coops - but if you really think about it this could be for the best?"

Cooper switched to Katie in an instant but she just gently stroke his cheek. "I know you want him close. I want that, too ... but I think we have to let him go, honey. Kurt is right. If he's anywhere near New York he will try to man up too soon. And just as much as we love him, Blaine needs to be with Kurt, more than anyone."

Cooper looked unhappy. "Italy is just so far away."

"It is," Rebecca agreed, "but it's not the end of the world and Blaine has been wanting to go back ever since he was a kid. Remember how happy he was that summer we lived in the cabin?"

Cooper nodded reluctantly.

Kurt now turned to Blaine's best friends. "Matt, Sam, what do you guys think? The band has been a part of your income so far. This isn't exactly easy for the two of you either."

Matt looked at Sam and received an approving nod to speak for both of them. "The way we see it, Sound Of Seduction has been in a crisis for months. It's not all caused by the record deal, but the ridiculous demands from the producer sure have highlighted the problem. We need a plan for the future, an honest talk about the ambitions and the dreams we each have for the band. Right now four of us are on the same page and one is not. The band cannot keep existing on those terms and it is unfair to make any changes or take any major discussions before Blaine can be a part of it. We all have jobs on the side and none of us are going hungry to bed. It's crucial to reduce all the stress Blaine has been feeling and the band is a huge part of that."

"Reduce stress," Kurt repeated to himself, half smiling. "That's exactly what I have been telling myself these past days. That I have to reduce his stress as much as I can."

"What do you need from us, Kurt?" his father abruptly asked, making sure to cover up his own emotions about Kurt leaving.

"I need your support," Kurt answered simply. "I'm pretty sure Blaine will put up a fight for several reasons and I need you to back me up. Speaking of more practical matters I'll keep "By Blackbird" running from abroad while Ally is on maternity leave. Stevenson will keep on pitching Cordelia to the bigger stages, which means business will be running as usual. It will however be a bit of stretch paying rent for two places, so hopefully, if Blaine agrees, we could rent out our apartment while we're away."

"Where will you live in Italy?" Katie asked.

Kurt shot a smile in James direction. "James has found a guesthouse for us in a small village called Vernazza in the Cinque Terre district by the Mediterranean sea. The exact area Blaine has been in love with ever since he visited as a kid."

Cooper dropped his jaw. "You already knew about this, dad? And you haven't said a word."

"Kurt needed my help and I have various business associates in Europe," James replied calmly. "One of them owns this beautiful place and it will be perfect throughout the summer. It's up in the mountains surrounded by vineyards with a beautiful view to the sea. I can't think of a better place for Blaine to recover. Can you?"

Cooper opened his mouth ready to object once more until nothing came out. He backed down. "Probably not."

"Of course you should go, Kurt," Rebecca said as the first person to conclude on the issue. "None of us are more than a phone call away. I trust your decision."

"Thank you," Kurt said with back held breath.

"Well, you obviously know how I feel about it," James joined in. "And if this turns out to be the opposite of what Blaine needs we'll go from there."

Kurt noded gratefully and switched to Cooper and Katie. Cooper sighed. I would never stop something like this, you know that, Kurt," he said and fixated him with his blue eyes. "But promise me you will bring him home if he doesn't get any better."

"I will, Coops, I swear."

"Okay, Italy it is," Cooper said and found Katie's hand underneath the table.

Kurt then finally looked at his dad. Even though they had lived apart for years, Ohio had turned out to be very close to New York when they needed to spend time together. Burt smiled lopsided. "What do I always tell you?"

"To follow my heart," Kurt answered emotionally.

"This time is no different. We will be here when you come back and there will be parts for you on Broadway when you return. I'm sure of that."

Burt dragged his son in for a hug and Kurt inhaled the familiar smell from his dad's clothes. "It's just  _one_  phone call and I will book a flight to Italy if you need me," his dad whispered and patted his grown up son on his back.

"I know," Kurt whispered back.

Once the decision had been made, regardless of what Blaine might think of it, the rest of the night was spent on planning. Cooper suddenly remembered a new intern, who had just started at the advertising company and needed a place to live for awhile. Together with James he searched the internet for a standard lease they could use to rent out the apartment. Burt and Carole looked for possible flight connections, depending on when the boys could be ready to leave. They also needed to take Blaine's condition into consideration. It would wear him out to travel and he would need breaks along the way. Kurt discussed band strategy with Matt and Sam and made sure nobody was feeling left behind in this unknown land the future suddenly had become for the band. They talked a lot about Blaine, too and Kurt was eager to hear whatever input the guys had.

At some point Sam shared a secretive look with Matt. "I think we should tell him," Sam stated quietly.

"Blaine will kill us for it," Matt said.

"But it's for his own good."

Kurt followed the conversation taking place in front of him with increasing confusion until Matt sighed and decided to include him. "Blaine has been planning to propose to you for a long time. But you know how he is, it couldn't be big enough or special enough. He has tried to compose something for you and wanted to hire an entire symphony orchestra. He's been going from location, to location, Time Square, Central Park, you name it. But every time things were coming together he decided it wasn't right and started all over."

"Wow, that's substantial," Kurt replied thoughtful, as a lot of things suddenly made sense.

"The reason we wanted to tell you," Sam started.

" _You_ , wanted to tell him," Matt corrected.

"I don't care, we're both dead anyway," Sam shot back before he returned to Kurt. "What I'm saying is, that it's put a lot of stress on Blaine's shoulders. Every time he didn't pull through was like a personal defeat. And we've both tried to tell him it didn't have to be so extravagant or over the top; that you probably would say yes anyway. But he just kept pushing on because nothing was good enough for you."

"Poor guy," Kurt said, even though he felt warm and fuzzy to his bones just thinking about Blaine wanting to propose. "Well he hardly has any orchestra connections in Italy, so maybe I can make him slow down a bit."

"Exactly," Sam pointed out.

"Or maybe, just discreetly mention that you don't need an over the top proposal," Matt suggested. Then his shoulders slouched. "God, we've just ruined everything, haven't we?"

"No," Kurt stated firmly. "It was right of you to tell me and I'll make sure nothing is ruined. Don't worry about it."


	5. Marbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something wise to be said about marbles ;)

Blaine had been awaiting this day with equal excitement and anxiety. He was truly looking forward to coming home and returning to familiar surroundings. But home to what? No composing, no band rehearsals, no meetings or quick phone calls to deal with an emergency. It was impossible to imagine doing nothing and at the same time it was a blessing that people didn't expect anything from him at the moment. He was basically excused.

"Hey, baby." Kurt hugged him from behind and the familiar scent brought comfort. The best thing about coming home would be Kurt; not having to sleep alone anymore or stare lost into the darkness without his warm hand to hold.

Blaine patted the arms that surrounded him. "You're early, aren't you?"

Kurt placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I just figured you could need a little help packing."

"There's hardly anything to pack. It's mostly laundry anyway."

"Are you ready to come home?" Kurt asked and faced him properly.

"I can't wait," Blaine answered as he grabbed Kurt's hand and held on, like he was afraid to let go.

"I'm staying, don't worry," Kurt said and squeezed back.

"When is John supposed to be here?" Blaine asked, referring to the meeting with the therapist.

"He'll be here at 10. We can go for a walk if you feel like it," Kurt suggested.

"Yeah, just a short one," Blaine agreed with a tired smile. They put on their jackets and stepped out into the fresh April wind. Blaine instinctively lifted his face to catch the sun beams. "I haven't been outside for almost a week, isn't that weird?"

"Makes you appreciate it, right?"

"Definitely."

They small talked as they walked along, careful not to approach any difficult subjects. Not because they wouldn't talk about the hard stuff, but it was nice just to  _be_ for awhile, to hold hands and find assurance in the touch and the simplicity of the moment.

Blaine was tired when they returned to the hospital and Kurt made him lie on the bed while he packed the few belongings Blaine had brought with him.

An hour later Blaine's therapist stepped inside with a warm smile on his face. Blaine had spoken with him a couple of times and genuinely liked him. He was not much older than them, tall and skinny, with energetic eyes.

"Hi, I'm John," he introduced himself to Kurt and stretched out a hand. "Blaine has talked so much about you."

"He tends to do that, but don't believe everything he's saying," Kurt joked.

Blaine got up from the bed and ran his hand through his hair. "I might have mentioned different awkward moments you've caused baby, but John can keep a secret, so don't you worry."

John laughed. "Blaine has only nice things to say about you and it's nice to meet you, Kurt."

"Nice to meet you, too," Kurt replied.

"It means a lot that I can talk with both of you before Blaine comes home," John continued. "Not everybody has this kind of support and it will mean a lot in the process of getting better." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand subtly. "And then remember, just because we let you go from here, you guys are more than welcome to call me or schedule a meeting later on if it's needed. A lot of recovery lies ahead, but hopefully I can help you on your way the best way possible."

The three men sat down at the table. In John's hand was a net of marbles. "Blaine, one of the challenges you're facing is the task of listening to your own body - and the sooner you learn to respond to that, the faster you will heal."

Blaine nodded in understanding. "If it only was as easy as it sounds."

"Yeah, it  _is_ hard, but it can be done and once you learn to follow the rules it will help you for the rest of your life." John smiled. "Let's make it more real." He opened the net and let some of the shiny colorful marbles run into his hand. "Marbles equals energy." He put down a few marbles on the table and placed them in a line. "You have about 5 marbles a day, nothing more at the moment. And every time you do something it will cost you marbles." Blaine arched an eyebrow in confusion. "Let's go through a day together, shall we?" John continued. "What would you do on a regular day, from getting up in the morning till you go to bed at night?"

"Oh, um ..." Blaine thought about it. "I guess I would have a meeting, rehearse a couple of hours, maybe three or four, get home for dinner and compose for the rest of the night."

"Let's rewind a bit and pin it more out," John suggested. "Before you go to the meeting what would you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe a shower," John lead on.

"Oh, yes, of course."

"Okay," John said, "a shower costs 2 marbles." He removed two of the shiny glass balls.

"What?" Blaine said and looked at the remaining 3 marbles. "You're kidding right?"

"I'm afraid not," John said and continued without hesitation. "What do you do after the shower?"

Blaine sighed. "I will go to a 3 marble meeting, which probably will last for 10 minutes," he stated dryly and made Kurt snort.

"No breakfast?" John asked.

"Sometimes."

"From now on you  _have_  to get breakfast as a part of a new routine. Making breakfast yourself will cost you another marble."

"What will a one hour meeting cost?" Blaine asked seriously.

"That depends. If it's an easy going meeting with someone you trust, I'd say 6-7 marbles. If it's emotionally difficult and if your guards are up I'd say about 15-20 marbles."

Blaine dropped his head back. "Great! I'm officially running out of marbles."

John smiled encouragingly. "The good news is that you will not always stay on five marbles. If you learn to listen to your body and get enough rest you will increase the number of marbles over time. But let's see what you can do with 5 marbles for a minute." He put the marbles down in line again. "Shower - 2 marbles, go for a walk - 2 marbles, phone call - 1 marble." The marbles went back on the table again. "Or; having a visitor for half an hour - 2 marbles, doing the dishes - 2 marbles, answering text messages from your friends - 1 marble."

"And what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?" Blaine asked, looking longingly at the rest of the shiny marbles left in the net.

"Sleep and rest," John stated simply. "When you respect what your body needs, it will reward you with more marbles. And as you said, it sounds easy, but in reality it's really hard, because you will always  _want_  to do more than you have energy for."

"What happens if I use 6 or 7 marbles?" Blaine asked.

"Ah we're already dealing with a crime rider here," John said with a crooked smile. "If you try to use more energy than you have, you will pay for it. If you do the crime, you have do the time."

"Meaning?"

"It will ruin the next day completely. If you're pushing yourself too hard it will cost you a full day on the couch with no marbles at all; and it's not a rule I'm making up, your body will see to it." John switched to Kurt. "Your job, Kurt, is to make sure Blaine is realistic about his energy, because I can guarantee you he will try to do more than he can, maybe not at first, but eventually. Remind him gently and be there for him when he's doomed to a couch day now and then."

"Did you hear that he said gently?" Blaine whispered out loudly.

"I did," Kurt whispered back. "Gently, but firm."

"No, just gently," Blaine argued and then they smiled at each other.

"See, this is why I'm not worried about letting you go, Blaine," John said. "You will do fine with the support you have right next to you."

The conversation was soon wrapped up and John said goodbye to the both of them, wishing them the best in the future. Then Blaine took a quick round saying goodbye to the nurses on duty. Mary got the longest hug. Despite the awkwardness of their first meeting, Blaine had come to appreciate her motherly ways.

* * *

Looking forward to coming home and actually  _being_ home turned out to be two different things. Once Blaine stepped inside the door a strange and sad feeling settled inside. The smell was familiar and everything seemed normal, but it was daunting to have left the apartment as old Blaine and come back as another version of himself. He walked from room to room, trying to find what he had lost, but it wasn't until he passed the music room and had to close the door because he couldn't bear looking at the piano, that he let himself be overwhelmed. Kurt was there in a split second and held him close as he stroked his back gently.

"You'll be alright, Blaine," he whispered.

"I hope so," Blaine answered as tears blurred his sight. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself."

"Well for now you belong on the couch. You can take a nap or watch a tv show. Later I'll make us dinner and tomorrow Cooper and Katie will come by."

Blaine hardly remembered falling asleep, but when he woke up hours later Kurt was already stirring in the kitchen. He felt more at home now, but the strange heaviness was still hovering over his heart. Without music constantly playing in the background the apartment was quiet and when they sat down to have dinner nothing but the clanks from their forks and knives broke the silence. Blaine had run out of random things to say to Kurt and were left with only the hard subjects, unspoken, and spinning out of control in his head. It made him feel restless and trapped. Annoyance spread from an undefined place in the pit of his stomach until it was palpable right underneath his skin.

"What are you thinking of?" Kurt asked when they were almost done eating. "I can hear every wheel spinning."

Blaine shrugged indifferently. "Marbles and being stuck here for months. It's a bit hard to take in."

Kurt nodded and put down his fork. "What if we didn't have to be stuck here?" he asked.

"We?" Blaine repeated edgy and pressed his lips tight together. " _You're_  not suppose to be stuck here at all, Kurt. I want you to live your life as normally as possible. But I … I have to stay … right here. Because just walking down the stairs will cost me my god damn marbles!"

Kurt reached out for his hand. "What if I told you we have another option? That we could be stuck in, let's say, Italy instead, together?"

"That doesn't make sense,  _at all_  and why do you want to go to Italy?"

"To relax, to get away from New York and to recover," Kurt explained eagerly. "We have a guest house waiting for us in Vernazza if we want it. We can live there throughout the summer and take one day at a time."

Blaine pulled his hand away swiftly. "Kurt, didn't you hear what John said. I can hardly make it down the stairs and you want me to go to Italy! And why do we have a guest house waiting for us when this is the first I've heard about it?"

"Look, I know this might come as a surprise and no decisions have been made yet," Kurt stuttered. "I've only checked up on some of the details. I wanted to know if was even an option before I discussed it with you."

"We can't just take off like that, Kurt. I have no income until I'm better which means you  _have_  to keep working."

"I can work from Italy as well as New York. You have the royalties from the Cordelia songs and Cooper knows someone who's interested in renting our apartment while we're gone. It's true we might be using some of our savings, but we can do this."

"So Cooper is involved in this too, who else?" Blaine asked, outraged.

"Your parents … and my dad … Matt and Sam," Kurt said quietly.

"Great, so you all just got together to figure out how to save poor Blaine without even considering to ask me what _I_ wanted."

Kurt held his stare. "What  _do_  you want?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Blaine yelled in frustration. "But I still would have liked to be asked."

"I love you, Blaine," Kurt stated. "I didn't do this to upset you or go behind your back. I have thought a great deal about it and just try to consider the alternative for a minute; you sitting here alone in this apartment, while I take off to work. That really sucks! Ally's on maternity leave and Stevenson has taken over the manager part. Everything is on some sort of hiatus. This is our opportunity for us to do something together, to recover and get a new perspective."

Blaine almost softened until something new occurred to him. "What about Sweeney Todd? Weren't you supposed to get a call back last week?" The way Kurt held his breath, even for just one second said it all. "You got the part didn't you?"

Kurt bit his lip. "I did, but I didn't take it."

"No, Kurt, no." Blaine got up abruptly. "Don't you see what is happening here? Because I have been a jerk and haven't been taking care of myself,  _you_  have to pay the price as well. I have literally cost you your first big Broadway part." He began pacing the floor. "Call Stevenson, tell him you'll take the part anyway. This can't be happening."

Kurt got up as well now, arms crossed. "Wait a minute here, will you? You have to stop claiming all guilt in the entire world, Blaine. First of all, you wore yourself out because your heart is too big for your own good; nobody is blaming you for that! Second of all, even if we stayed in New York I'd still not take the part. I'm not sacrificing Sweeney Todd for you. I've declined it for  _me_. I did that for  _me_ , because I need to be with you when you're not well. If you don't want to go to Italy, fine, we'll stay here. No lease has been signed, no tickets have been booked, no steps have been made yet. I only ask you to consider it."

Blaine's jaw clenched before his biggest frustration burst out into the open. "Just stop treating me like a child! That's all I'm asking," he hissed and disappeared into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Kurt gave him an hour. Blaine obviously needed the space, but now he couldn't wait any longer. He slowly opened the door, bracing himself to get kicked out again. Blaine was lying on his side, staring blankly ahead. He looked so tiny and fragile that it cut right through Kurt's heart. Quietly he got down on the bed and spooned his boyfriend, sneaking a hand around his stomach. After a few seconds, Blaine put his hand on top of Kurt's, intertwining their fingers. They just kept lying like that for a moment, leaving the fight behind as the touch alone unguarded them.

"Do you know how unbelievably frustrating it is not to be able to storm out the door and stay away for hours, just to prove a point?" Blaine asked with a hoarse voice.

"No, I don't know," Kurt answered, "because I have never been in your shoes. I could tell you that I understand … but the truth is … that I don't. I can try to imagine what it must feel like, but it's not the same as going through it, every minute of every day. And if I treat you unfairly it's simply because I don't know."

Blaine sighed. "I just felt … ambushed, that's all. I know I'm not in a state to make any significant decisions, but it's still weird being blind sided like that."

"I should have known, baby, and I'm sorry for not involving you earlier."

"Do you think it will ever change, this state I'm in?"

"I know it will," Kurt answered.

Blaine moved to his back. "Um … where exactly is that guesthouse located?"

"In Vernazza."

Blaine closed his eyes and then his head snapped to look at Kurt and he got up on one elbow. "Wait a minute, Vernazza as in the Cinque Terre district?"

Kurt smiled boyishly, knowing he was coming through now. "Of course, where else would it be?"

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" Blaine laughed.

"I sort of did, you just weren't really listening."

"Oh my god … that's just … wow you're good!"

"It was your dad's connection that did the job," Kurt explained.

"When I was in the Cinque Terre district as a kid we lived in Monterosso, but we passed Vernazza on one of our hikes." Kurt saw a spark ignite in the golden eyes for the first time in months and felt a lump in his throat. He blinked rapidly, not wanting to ruin the moment. "Do you have any pictures of the house?" Blaine asked and got down again.

"Sure." Kurt reached for his phone and tapped through the menu's until he found what he had been looking for. "This is the house from the outside with the patio and the outdoor furniture."

Blaine looked at it eagerly before he smiled. "Wow, that's so cool and there's a barbecue."

"There is, and I'm going to leave that monster completely to you. Here's a picture of the living room with the kitchen in the corner. It's like a big common room."

"It looks cozy," Blaine stated. "And there's even a tv. I was wondering how back to basics we were going."

"There's a tv and we'll have an internet connection as well, so we won't be completely cut off from the world. And the stairs in the corner there leads up to the bedroom." Kurt browsed through the pictures as he spoke.

"That has to be a king sized bed," Blaine burst out, "and look at all the space around it."

"Yeah, it really fits us, right?"

"It does."

"And this is the bathroom,"

"Big shower," Blaine stated with a lopsided smile.

"Yep, it just might come in handy," Kurt smirked.

"No complaints about that."

Kurt chuckled as he browsed once more and then he waited in anticipation for the biggest reaction. "That's a scooter, a Vespa," Blaine burst out, "a white Vespa! Kurt we  _have_  to try one of those while we are there. Please, please."

"Oh didn't I tell you?" Kurt asked innocently. "This Vespa is to our full disposal as long as we live in the guest house."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, I solemnly swear it's the truth." Kurt smiled as Blaine fist pumped in the air.

"This is too good to be true," Blaine said and turned off the phone still in Kurt's hand. Then he looked tenderly at his boyfriend until his eyes dropped a bit and he leaned over and covered Kurt's lips with his mouth. The kiss was way overdue and the soft wet touch was eagerly reciprocated. Tongues sliding over white teeth and lips moving perfectly together. After a while Blaine got down again and moved so close to Kurt that their noses almost touched. "I love you, Kurt Hummel," he whispered.

And Kurt soaked it all up, saving it for a rainy day.


	6. Change Of Location

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A summer chapter in Italy :)

Once the decision to leave New York had been made, a thousand things had to be done. The flight was booked for departure two weeks later which would give them time enough to get ready and make Blaine that much stronger before the exhausting journey. Cooper's co-worker, a young woman from New Jersey, came by. She loved the apartment and couldn't believe how lucky she was when she signed the lease 20 min later, giving her access to the apartment for six months. If Kurt and Blaine were to return before that, they would move into the loft until they could get their place back. The lease to the guesthouse in Vernazza was equally signed for four months with the possibility to extend it for 1-2 months. Stevenson had worked through the legal issues, once he had forgiven Kurt for declining Sweeney Todd, that is. And in a weak moment he had to admit that the boys plan would be for the best.

Kurt then took some time making a strategy for By Blackbird and planned out how much of the day-to-day work he could maintain while being abroad. Most of the incoming e-mails were from smaller theaters all over the states who wanted to do Cordelia. Others asked for tutoring in the different stages of musical writing and Blaine was very well spoken for as a composer. Kurt ended up writing a message on their website, informing that Blaine would be fully booked for the next 6 months. Then he met up with Ally at the loft to discuss her upcoming assignments. She would definitely take some time off to be with her family, but there were still things for her to do. Like the rest of their friends Ally didn't ask about the future. In mutual understanding they had all accepted the fact that nobody knew the outcome of Blaine's condition; not even Kurt..

Packing turned out to be somewhat of a challenge because even though the apartment was rented out and furnished, a lot of their personal belongings still had to be stored in Ohio. And in this whirlwind of people coming and going, phones ringing and things being coordinated, Blaine had only one job to do; count marbles. John had given him the full net of marbles to remind him of his end goal, but for now he was still stuck on the same humbling number. Every morning he planned out what to do and most days he succeeded. But the day Kurt and Cooper had packed down his beloved music room, Blaine had been forced to spend a full day on the couch, caused by the emotional stress alone. Some days were better than others, and after a couple of good days it was always devastating to cash in a bad day. But for now this was his life whether he liked it or not.

As departure day approached, Blaine decided they could have a few friends over for a quick goodbye party. Kurt, however, emphasized that they could only stay for an hour and then Blaine wasn't allowed to do anything else that day. Blaine just smiled and blew him a kiss. They invited Ally, Matt, Sam, Cooper and Katie. He was dying to invite way more, but these five friends would have to do for now.

"I bet you'll be speaking fluent Italian before you return," Sam joked over a delicious strawberry pie that Katie had made for the occasion.

"That would be too much to hope for," Kurt said. "Right now Blaine has taught me to say;  _Ciao_  and  _Arrivederci_ … oh, oh and …  _mi chiamo Kurt Hummel_." Kurt looked so pleased with himself that they all couldn't help laughing.

"Well that should cover it," Cooper said, "until you sit with a menu card in some local restaurant ending up eating something very weird. I've heard that raw cow eyes are a specialty in Vernazza." They all broke down again by the mere thought.

"We'll make sure to mail you an eye, Coops," Blaine said happily. "Just to remember us by."

" _I only have eyes for you_ ," Cooper hummed amused and cashed in an eye-roll from his wife.

When the laughter had died out Kurt suddenly lingered on Ally. "What?" she asked confused and then she shook her head. "Don't say anything cheesy, hon. I refuse to cry tonight."

"Why do you think it's cheesy?" Kurt asked.

"Because you have that look in your eyes."

Kurt shut her a half smile. "No, I'll behave. It just occurred to me that Jasmine will have grown so much when we return. What if she doesn't remember her two favorite uncles?"

Ally tilted her head. "You bastard, that's exactly what I meant." She blinked and got a grip on herself. "I'll make sure only to Skype you guys when Jasmine's awake. She might as well get used to a life online and then you won't miss a beat."

"Thank you," Kurt mouthed. They all got quiet. It was hard not to get caught up in the goodbyes lying ahead.

"Nope, we're not going there," Cooper stated. "This is a night of celebration." He turned to Sam. "How is your church project going buddy? Do you guys have enough students?"

"Oh yeah, we've got heaps," Sam answered with a proud, boyish smile. "We are having our first graduation ceremony in two weeks actually - for our 1-year students."

"They graduate after a year?" Katie asked confused.

"No, they don't exactly graduate because they will continue next year, but for kids like these, committing to something and following through for an entire year, is something to celebrate. So we celebrate," Sam explained.

"That is so cool," Blaine mumbled. "I hope I'll be able follow anything through for a year after this ordeal."

"You're a force of nature, Blainers," Matt said and lifted his glass. "Don't worry and don't push yourself."

"To Blainers," Cooper repeated and lifted his glass as well.

When all the guests had left and Kurt and Blaine were lying next to each other trying to sleep before the big day, they talked about how lucky they were to have friends and family in abundance that cared about them - and how much they would miss them all.

* * *

The alarm went off at 4 am and Blaine immediately stated that he was already out of marbles and he would prefer to go to Italy late in the afternoon instead. Kurt had a hard time disagreeing, but they managed to drag themselves out of bed and get ready for their 5 o'clock ride, when Cooper honked. They had worked hard to limit their luggage and had only one suitcase each and a trolley for the flight. James and Rebecca met them at JFK even though Blaine had stated over and over that it wasn't necessary, but they had insisted and it was a very sweet gesture. Cooper was tripping around them as they checked in, making a fuss of everything and asking questions he already knew the answers to. Blaine knew what was going on and for once the younger brother had to comfort the older brother.

"Coops, you and Katie are coming in less than two months and then we will enjoy the sweet life in Vernazza together, so be a man about this and suck it up."

Cooper's brow rose in surprise until he noticed Blaine's teasing smirk. He huffed out an anxious laugh. "Okay, okay - I'll suck it up." The two brothers hugged for a long time which initiated the time to say goodbye for them all. Kurt promised the Andersons to take good care of their youngest and thanked them for all the support they had given him. Then they disappeared into security.

The security check went smoothly and after a nice breakfast in a VIP lounge they got ready to board. They were flying with US Airways because their planes seemed the most spacious and the service was great. Ready to get seated they were suddenly stopped by a flight attendant, checking up on their tickets. "I can see this booking has been changed," he said to them.

Kurt frowned, hoping with all his heart that there wouldn't be an unforeseen problem. "Changed how? I've booked these tickets myself."

The young guy double checked on his screen. "Ah yes, it's right here." He smiled at them. "You're tickets have been upgraded to 1st class."

"By whom?" Kurt asked confused.

"Let me see, a James Devon Anderson."

Blaine smiled through a head shake. "The old man just couldn't help himself."

"If I were you, I would take him up on the offer," the attendant said amused.

"Oh, we'll take it," Blaine answered happily and then they were lead through the narrow rows of coach, through a heavy velvet curtain and into the most peaceful and spacious surroundings they had ever seen on a plane. They were only two guys from Ohio after all and neither of them had travelled that much, because so many of their dreams had been centered around New York. It was obvious why James had thought about this, because the back of the chairs could be lowered all the way down which meant Blaine could get as much rest as possible on the flight.

It turned out to be much needed too because despite the restful environment, an 8 hour flight was way more than 5 marbles. But Kurt did all in his power to make it comfortable for Blaine and as soon as they got off the plane he checked them into a hotel in Milan, right next to the airport. They were meant to stay here until Blaine was rested enough to endure a 4 hour train ride that would take them to Monterosso, and then a shorter ride with a local train to Vernazza.

Two things were different about being in Italy right away; the time and the weather. It was already 11 pm and instead of the typical shifting April weather they were met by a warm spring breeze in spite of the late hour. Blaine smiled through the haunted expression that always overtook his beautiful features when he was beyond tired. "This is going to be amazing, Kurt. I can feel it in my bones."

"And you're perfectly right," Kurt said and kissed Blaine's forehead. "But for now your bones have to sleep."

"Oh man, I thought we were going to a casino or out to explore the many temptations of a night in Milan," Blaine pouted.

"You're not funny," Kurt gently scolded as they stepped into an elevator with the card to their room. He couldn't resist letting his fingers get tangled up in dark semi-curled hair and kiss his tired boyfriend. They were miles from their loved ones, but close to each other.

Blaine fell asleep the minute his head touched the pillow.

 

* * *

 

 

The boys prolonged their stay in Milan with one more night. As tempting as it was to explore Milan, Kurt knew better. So they stayed at the hotel, had something delicious to eat in the restaurant below, and watched their first Italian TV show, taking turns translating what the actors  _could_  be saying - until they laughed too hard to hear anything at all.

The following day Blaine reported ready to continue their journey and after a nice breakfast they checked out of the hotel and took a cab to the train station. It took a while to find the right connection and more than once they had to look up Italian words on their phones. Purchasing tickets in Euros and get acquainted with the unfamiliar coins kept them on their toes as well. But finally they could board the train to Monterosso, seated by the window so they wouldn't miss a thing.

Blaine  _did_  miss the first two hours though, leaning up against Kurt's shoulder, sound asleep until Kurt gently woke him up. "Look at the view, baby," he whispered with a smile.

Blaine blinked a few times to make his eyes focus again and was met by the most picturesque sight. The train tracks wound their way through a landscape of majestic green mountains, steep raw rocks and the Mediterranean Sea, bluer than Cooper and Kurt's eyes combined. Sailboats were seen around small harbors full of life and the further down south they came, the smaller the stations became.

Monterosso Station was everything and more than they could have ever imagined. It was like stepping into a movie set of a different time. Instead of gray buildings and digital signs, they were met by terracotta colored walls, an old fashioned stationary clock and wooden eaves to shelter waiting passengers. With renewed energy, Blaine took pictures of the beautiful surroundings and insisted on a selfie in front of the station, even though Kurt claimed that there would be a thousand opportunities for pictures later.

They had to wait quite some time for a delayed train to Vernazza, which apparently wasn't that unusual as a friendly talkative guy told them. "It will get here, you just wait and enjoy life," he said with a smile.

Blaine sat down on a bench with a satisfied sigh. "Well it's not like we don't have the time."

Kurt dropped down beside him. "I know, but it will be nice to finally reach our destination, just sit on the patio and enjoy the view, sipping chilled white wine."

Blaine rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. "Have I ever told you what a genius idea this was?"

"A thousand times," Kurt answered mildly as he scanned the waiting passengers, trying to register if anybody felt uncomfortable by the sight of a gay couple. But nobody even lifted a brow.

The regional train from Monterosso to Vernazza was in a pretty bad condition and the tracks were muddy from occasional landslides which made the ride a bit bumpy and noisy as the train squeezed its way around steep mountain walls. It felt like adventure though, and theirs was about to begin when they finally got off at Vernazza station, three days after departure from New York. The station here was more humble than the one in Monterosso, with raw brick walls and nothing but the sheer necessities. They were supposed to call a woman named Maria Gabrielli, the owner of the guesthouse, as soon as they arrived and Kurt reached her immediately.

"Buongiorno, Mr. Hummel," she said with a charming Italian accent. "I have been expecting you and Mr. Anderson. Welcome to Vernazza."

"Thank you," Kurt said, not able to withhold a smile at being welcomed so warmly.

"I have arranged a ride for you up to the guesthouse. You just go to the marina and ask for Orlando. He has a yellow scooter cab and he will drive you up the mountain. Oh, and don't tip him! I've paid him more than such a short ride could possibly cost and he owes me a favor, so don't let him fool you."

"I will try to resist being fooled then," Kurt chuckled.

"When you've arrived you can just put your luggage on the patio and then continue up the mountain for a bit. The first house you can see on the other side of the road is the Gabrielli mansion. Then we can meet there."

Kurt hung up and explained Maria's guidance as they walked through the small seaside village that would be their home for the next six months. It was a breathtaking sight and it almost appeared as if the houses were carved out of the raw cliffs of the mountain. As if a giant sculptor had looked at a huge rock and seen the beautiful city hidden in there. Square houses, terraced from the harbor and up on the hill, all painted in terracotta, peach or golden colors, like shades on a painter's palette.

"Um, you can take a picture now," Kurt mumbled, blown away by the mesmerizing sight.

"It's almost too good to be true right?" Blaine gasped next to him, forgetting all about pictures.

They continued down to the marina and between tourists, various markets with fish, fresh fruit and flowers, they discovered an area with three yellow scooter cabs. They must have looked like Americans because the moment they stepped closer they were met by a skinny, young looking guy, not more than 16 or 17, introducing himself as Orlando.

"Are you sure he's even got a driver's license?" Blaine whispered nervously as Orlando loaded their suitcases in a narrow trunk behind their double seats.

"I don't know if they're supposed to when it's a scooter," Kurt whispered back.

"It's hardly a scooter when it's got three wheels."

"But it's not a car either," Kurt argued through lips hardly moving because he was busy smiling to Orlando, giving thumbs up.

The only positive thing to be said about the ride was that it was short - and thank god for that, because Orlando drove like hell on fire up the steep mountain road, leaving nothing but a strong desire to survive. They thanked him politely, but Kurt didn't find it hard at all to withhold any form of tip. Then they walked down a narrow path until the guesthouse appeared behind an olive grove, perfectly hidden from the road but with a view to die for. They both dropped their suitcases with a complete loss of words as Vernazza spread out below them as a colorful beacon in the blue, glittering Mediterranean Sea.


	7. Identity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys
> 
> I have promised myself not to abandon this story because it is still in my heart. Hope you remember what has happened so far. Here we go again.

  
Vernazza had been love at first sight for both of them. A peaceful nest placed world's away from the roaring New York. Blaine had spent the first week doing nothing but sleeping and drooling over the view. For Kurt it had taken a bit longer to tap into the slower pace. But soon they had found a common understanding and some kind of daily routine had been established.

Kurt was in charge of breakfast while Blaine's first and most important task would be sitting on the patio, convincing his body that yet another day would be worth paying attention to. After breakfast Kurt usually took the scooter to "downtown" Vernazza, buying whatever they needed from the local markets. Fish, vegetables and fruit were easy to come by and something Blaine enjoyed eating. He was still struggling with his appetite, but Kurt made an effort to create dishes that he couldn't resist. While Kurt was gone, Blaine would go on his daily hike, trying to increase his energy level and earn some more marbles to juggle.

Blaine loved the diversity of the landscape; the raw strong cliffs softened by trees, bushes, olive groves and vineyards; all the houses build so closely together that they looked like a Roman fortress or a knight's castle, ready to defend the city. He loved the smell of the ocean that regularly sent a breeze up the mountain, fresh and salty - and the seagulls soaring over the harbor, waiting for the fishermen to get rid of their trash. Their croaking sound weirdly enough had a calming effect on him.

He could have been happy here, into the bones down right happy, and it haunted him that he wasn’t. But he was fighting with his condition way more than he let Kurt know. Too many uncertainties were eating him up inside. It was hard to accept the sadness that seemed to hover over his heart from the moment he opened his eyes till the day was done; like a dark cloud covering the sun. It had been difficult to pin down where the darkest thoughts came from and when he was being rational about it, he knew his body and soul were still recovering. But when his mind and thoughts went out on limb, everything felt so hopeless.

One question intimidated him more than anything else. Who would he become on the other side of all this? Would he be so different that he ultimately wouldn't be the guy Kurt fell in love with? Kurt would be mad at him for not sharing his thoughts, but to Blaine it was more complicated than anything they had survived so far. Kurt knew how to say all the right things. He knew how to reassure him of his affection and tell him that their love was bigger than life. And maybe it was, but could Blaine know for sure? Would he even like himself if things didn’t get any better? So much of his identity was rooted in being a musician and being good at it. Could he live without the praise of his talent, feeling like he made a difference or at least knew how to entertain?

He wondered how athletes survived getting an injury that suddenly stopped all their dreams. How years and years of practice and dreams as high as the sky could be fractured in a split second. It wasn’t fair that life could treat you like that and it wasn’t fair that he was put in this powerless situation either. But he could kick and scream all he wanted - it wouldn’t change a thing!

He had talked to Maria, their landlady, about it one day. He had passed her house, coming back from one of his daily hikes when she had invited him in. She was a remarkable woman. An Italian "mother" without any children, who had lost the love of her life six years ago.

"Italian women are supposed to be mothers," she explained when he had asked about her family. "Maybe not in the big cities, but here, in a small village like Vernazza, sure. We’re flooded with mamas proud to the brim of their bodies about their remarkable sons and beautiful daughters. Children that will take care of them when they're too old to take care of themselves." She smiled bravely and patted his hand. "I couldn’t have any children. You see, life doesn’t always give us what we want. But we are given what we need to make a difference in this world," she said.

"That must have been so hard?" Blaine stated sadly. "I want kids one day and I’d be really crushed if it couldn’t happen."

"My beautiful Alberto made it up for the children we didn’t have," she said mildly. "He treated me like a queen and never stopped loving me till the day he died. Which could not always be said about my girlfriends men."

Blaine's heart melted for her. "Haven’t you been awful lonely these past six years?" he asked, unable to imagine what a life without Kurt would do to him.

"I mourned his passing for a long, long time, but then I decided to continue his work. I kept the vineyards and the guest house and I made sure that Alberto Gabrielli wasn't forgotten here in Vernazza. The Gabrielli vine is still very spoken for in the Cinque Terre area. So I have managed you see."

Blaine smiled, deeply impressed by the strong willed woman. "You could always adopt me and Kurt," he said, blushing slightly. "Then you could be our Italian Mama Gabrielli."

She laughed heartily. "I already feel like you are mine," she said and beamed, "but don’t tell my nephews, then they’ll stop working for me." They both laughed and Maria patted Blaine’s hand again. "The two of you are good boys and Kurt treats you with so much love and respect. Trust me, I can tell. You will be okay, tesoro mio, just wait and see.

So he tried to be patient, to tell himself that he wouldn’t hurt forever. But the despair still piled up in his mind until it decreased his marbles and left him destroyed. He disappeared into the pain and spend hours staring blankly ahead. Kurt tried to reach him but something was stuck in his heart in ways he couldn’t put into words.

One night, when he was sitting on the patio getting lost in a million confusing thoughts as usual, Kurt came out with two glasses of wine and sat down in front of him, blocking the view.

“I know that this is hard,” Kurt began, “and I get that there are good days and bad days … but right now you are backtracking! I can tell that you are caught in a bad place, but either you tell me what you’re struggling with or I have to call John. If you are getting really bad, and you won’t let me help you, then the responsibility is too big for me and we might have to go home.”

Blaine met Kurt’s dark stare, disturbed by the seriousness of his words. Usually there was nothing but love and understanding, but right now his boyfriend looked determined and scared.

“It’s nothing, really, Kurt, I’m just tired, you know, nothing new under the sun.” Blaine tried to brush the somberness away with a flick of his hand.

“You must think very little of me if you don’t think that I can’t tell the difference between being tired and being destructive,” Kurt stated. “Something is pulling you apart right now and it scares the shit out of me that you obviously have decided to shut me out. It’s not going to work that way. And if you need to confide in someone else, John or Coops, then we’ll arrange that, but I’m not letting you bottle it up any longer.”

“No, no, it’s not like that, Kurt,” Blaine said unhappily. “I just … I don’t even know if I can explain it, honestly.”

“But you will have to try,” Kurt said in despair. “I’m not letting it go.”

Blaine pulled up his knees, held them tight into his chest and closed his eyes. He felt trapped, with nowhere to go and no solution in hand. He was truly disappointed in himself because Kurt was right. The burden was getting too heavy to bear; not just for him, but for Kurt, too. Fiddling with his watch he reached for sanity, waiting for that one thought that would pull him out of this crazy loop. But maybe sanity lies in what we dare to share with our loved ones and not in waiting for something normal to appear. He let his tired eyes dwell in Kurt’s worried stare, trusting him to accept and respect even if he couldn’t fully understand. The first words found their stumbling way into the open.

“I need you to promise me something.”

“Of course, of course, anything,” Kurt responded gratefully.

“Don’t argue with me,” Blaine stated simply. “Don’t tell me that I’m not being rational and don’t contradict me. It makes me feel wrong and misunderstood. I need you to listen to me with an open heart and accept my pain. How I hurt is a part of who I am right now … and I need you to deal with that.”

Kurt looked surprised but gave his consent without hesitation. “I promise. I’ll just listen and … and I’m sorry if I have been too eager to … fix you.”

“I would probably have done the same thing,” Blaine admitted, “but everything feels different when you’re stuck in the middle of it; that’s all.”

Kurt reached out and covered Blaine’s hand, rubbing his knuckles gently as he waited for Blaine to speak.

Blaine licked his lips and let out a sigh. “Most of the time I’m afraid and really, really unhappy. It’s not that I’m unhappy being here … that’s not what I mean. I just worry, you know. So many thoughts are on an endless loop because I can’t answer the questions I constantly ask myself. What will happen once this is all over? Who will I become?” He shrugged. “Everybody keeps telling me that I will be alright and that I will be like the good old Blaine once I’ve rested enough. But the truth is … nobody really knows, and I need people to deal with that fact, instead of expecting me to … be the same.” He waited a beat. “I need you to deal with that too … more than anyone.”

Kurt smiled mildly in realization and nodded as he squeezed Blaine’s hand reassuringly.

“What eats me up right now,” Blaine continued with a shaky tone of voice, “is that I don’t know who I am if I’m not a musician. Everything I am and everything I do, are centered around music; it contains my soul and most of my dreams. The same goes for you and me. We've always had music in common. We fell in love to music; the first time and the second time. Teenage Dream, Blackbird, Wicked at the Gershwin Theater, Cordelia, the band … it’s our life. What will happen if I can’t work in the company anymore? No more boot camps with Ally, no new musical? Would you hire someone else and how would that be like for both of us? Will it be too hard on our relationship?” He noticed how Kurt bit down on his lip, preventing himself from intervening, but he kept his promise and stayed quiet.

“I know these thoughts may seem premature, but I can’t get rid of them. It keeps playing my mind until I’m going crazy … always this what if, what if. And it scares me. It scares me to death to have to face something this hard; to accept that I don’t know what the future holds; not for myself … not for us.”

Without wanting it big crystal tears found their way down his cheeks, but for once he didn’t hold them back. Kurt had to see him like this and grasp the depth of his sorrow and all the uncertainties that came with his situation. He couldn’t pretend anymore and he was too tired to try.

“This is me, baby,” he continued and held on to Kurt’s blue eyes. “This is who I am right now and you have to be able to handle that if we are going to stay together in the years to come. It’s not pretty. It’s messy and out of order. It can affect our lives, our decisions and put a restraint on the amount of choices we will get.” He swallowed hard. “Are you truly ready for that?”

Kurt reached out and dried the tears on Blaine’s cheek away with his thumbs, not caring that they were so quickly replaced by new ones. He still didn’t say anything, but his eyes showed all the love and understanding in the world before he dragged Blaine into his arms.

“Kurt, you have to promise me that you will do some soul searching and ask yourself the hard questions. If you won’t do it for yourself, then at least do it for me,” Blaine stuttered against Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt moved his hand to the back of Blaine’s neck and let his fingers get tangled in the soft hair like he had done so many times before. “I love you,” he whispered emotionally, “and I promise to do what you ask of me.”

They sat like that for a very long time. Blaine was sobbing uncontrollably for a while, letting out the weariness and the hurt; the unfairness of it all, while Kurt just held on tight. Then slowly the tears ran out and his heart returned to its normal pace. And in the blissful state of a fight well fought, something was set free deep within his soul. Words he hadn’t been courageous enough to say had been spoken and for that reason alone some peace found it’s way into his tired heart. Kurt moved around and got behind him, prompting him to lay back and rest up against his chest. Blaine felt completely dried out and tired to the bones, and with Kurt’s even breath, rising and falling behind him, he calmed down as if there wasn’t a care in the world. His eyelids got heavy - and right there; happy for a split second, he dived into a restful sleep.

 

_____________________________________________________________

  
Kurt kept Blaine in his arms as the sun set and all the lights from the houses made Vernazza look like an enchanted castle. He had learned something completely new tonight, something he would treasure forever and keep as a gem, given to him him by shaking hands. He should stop trying to fix Blaine. He should stop reassuring him that he would be alright and instead show him that he was just as much loved right now as he had ever been.

Kurt didn’t have to search his soul, because his soul already knew that he wouldn’t live a day without Blaine. He would never forget that numbing feeling that had almost crushed him the night Blaine got hospitalized. It had settled in the core of his being. That night his love to Blaine had proven to exist beyond convenience and above dreams that once mattered. But he had failed to show that to Blaine. He had been truly worried the last couple of weeks, afraid that Blaine after all needed more than his love. But right here, in the peacefulness of the twilight, Kurt saw hope rising, like the break of dawn.

When his limbs were numb from sitting in an uncomfortable position, trying not to wake up Blaine, he gently lead the drowsy man up the stairs and into bed. When he had made sure Blaine was tumbling back to sleep he tip toed down to the living room again and pulled out a bag from underneath the couch. He knew just what to do and it had been a part of his plan once Blaine was feeling better. But now it couldn’t wait any longer. He wouldn’t wait any longer.

He unzipped the bag as quietly as possible and reached into a small side pocket. His fingers wrapped themselves around a solid velvet box as excitement rushed through his body. He opened it like he had done so many times before. There they were, shiny as ever, side by side, just waiting to be given with a promise of so much more.

 

 

 

 


	8. A Beautiful Dawn

Blaine was evidently confused when Kurt gently shook him awake. Bits and pieces of a dimmed dream, that made no sense whatsoever, refused to let him go. The intimacy from their talk last night still lingered underneath his skin in a feel good way. And his limbs, despite being heavy as ever, appeared surprisingly relaxed. He turned in bed, too far gone to really pay attention to Kurt.

 

“I know you’re tired,” Kurt whispered in his ear and squeezed his shoulder with his warm hand, “but I have something very important to show you.”

 

Blaine raised one of his eyebrows, hoping his eyelid would follow and when it did the darkness around him threw him off. “Kurt, it’s the middle of the night. Are you okay?” His eyelid shut down again.

 

“It’s not in the middle of the night. It’s more like … really, really early in the morning,” Kurt argued with smile in his voice and nibbled at Blaine’s earlobe.

 

Blaine hummed. “It’s the same to me, honestly.”

 

“Maybe, but you have to get up anyway and then I’ll let you sleep later,” Kurt said encouragingly, “I promise. It’s just that ... I have something beautiful to show you and I’m pretty positive you will thank me later.”

 

“Can’t you just show me in bed?” Blaine asked and though the innuendo hadn’t been intentional, he still couldn’t keep a smile from raising.

 

“Oh if it only was so,” Kurt responded longingly and stroked Blaine’s cheek. “But we are going on a hike and we’re on a deadline.”

 

Blaine propped himself up on one elbow. “You’re kidding, right? Who goes on a hike in the middle of the night. There’s nothing to see in the dark.”

 

“It will be worth your while,” Kurt said and winked. “I promise. I’ve already packed a bag and you are granted one cup of coffee before we take off.”

 

“How considerate of you,” Blaine sighed and gave up officially. With a great deal of difficulty he got up in a sitting position and rubbed his face with the palm of his hands. “Can you at least tell me where we’re going?”

 

“Now where would the fun be in that?” Kurt replied as he went through Blaine’s drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and a beanie and tossed it all at Blaine. 

 

“You sure it’s that cold?” Blaine mumbled and picked up the beanie, but Kurt had already disappeared downstairs. “I better do as I’m told,” Blaine finished and pick up his jeans. He hadn’t worn them since they took off from New York and it became evident as he buttoned them, that he still hadn’t put on the weight he’d lost since he got sick. He decided to make a bigger effort with all the delicious food Kurt was cooking every day. Then he put on the sweatshirt, ruffled his hair and pulled down the beanie on his way down the stairs. 

 

Kurt smiled when Blaine made a spin to present himself. “You look cute as a button,” Kurt said rewardingly and pecked Blaine on the lips. 

 

“Now about that cup of coffee,” Blaine reminded. Kurt went to the kitchen and handed him a cup of steaming hot coffee. “This is as far from breakfast in bed as I can possibly think of,” Blaine grumbled.

 

“Just behave now, will you?”

 

Blaine sipped the liquid caffeine with a smile running over his face. He enjoyed the banter between them, that now appeared so effortlessly after it had been gone for awhile. Kurt smiled back before he finished up packing what was needed for their hike.

 

“What’s in the backpack?” Blaine asked curiously. 

 

“Just a few things that will come in handy.”

 

“A few things, Kurt! It looks heavy enough for a week long hike.”

 

Kurt winked. “Just finish your coffee, baby, we have to get going while it’s still dark.”

 

“Kurt, we’re not hiking for a week, right?”

 

“You, my dear, are asking too many questions,” Kurt laughed and snatched the coffee cup out of Blaine’s hand. 

 

“Kuuuurt.”

 

Kurt opened the door with a huge grin and prompted Blaine to walk outside. He followed closely after with the backpack on his shoulders and locked the door behind them. They both stopped on the patio and let the fresh air fill their lungs and caress their cheeks. The night would have been pitch black if it hadn’t been for the stars spreading in uneven patterns above them. Now this a sight strange to New Yorkers,” Blaine breathed out and found Kurt’s hand as he laid his head back and embraced the beauty with eyes wide open. Kurt intertwined their fingers and got lost in Blaine instead of the stars. Blaine caught his stare and nudged Kurt’s shoulder gently. “Are we ever going on that hike or what?”

 

They started off on neat, wide tracks, made for tourists and families with kids. “This is really nice,” Blaine noted as they walked side by side, still holding hands. 

 

“Despite the fact that you don’t know where we’re going?” Kurt teased. 

 

Blaine shrugged. “We’re here together and that’s fine by me.” Kurt squeezed his hand and they continued without saying anything for awhile. Little by little the path narrowed as they ascended the mountain. Blaine had to struggle a bit more after they had passed the distance he’d normally walk. “This will cost marbles, Kurt, I’m just saying. Maybe  _ you _ will have to do the cooking tonight!” 

 

“As if I wasn’t cooking every night,” Kurt snorted and stopped to give his boyfriend a break. “I know it’s further than you’re supposed to walk, but I’ll make it up to you and be your humble servant for the next two days.”

 

“You’re very persuasive for this hour of the day,” Blaine remarked.

 

“That’s because  _ I _ know where we’re going, remember?”

 

For ten minutes they walked off road, avoiding low branches and fighting their way through bushes growing close together. The stars had gradually lost their glow as the darkness softened before Kurt stated: “We’re almost there.” They kept going for a few minutes more until the vegetation around them thinned out and a small glade could be seen ahead. A huge olive tree spread its branches wide and high on top of its thick trunk. Blaine stopped in his tracks and gazed at the majestic tree. 

 

“Is this what you wanted to show me, Kurt?” he breathed out. “It’s so beautiful.”

 

Kurt smiled and let the heavy backpack drop from his shoulders. “It’s not quite it, but it’s part of the experience. Even in the olive groves, it’s unusual to see such a big tree, right?”

 

“Definitely!”

 

They walked closer and admired the rough texture of the trunk, rooted so solid on the ground and in its own way representing something imperishable in a world of uncertainties. Kurt unzipped the backpack and pulled out a blanket that he spread out in front of the tree before he sat down, leaning up against the tree trunk. With a smile he pulled Blaine down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Blaine got comfortable and with a happy sigh he leaned up against Kurt’s chest, before Kurt wrapped them both in the blanket. They sat restfully like that for a while before true magic arrived; the miracle of a new day dawning. This unique moment when darkness have to give up its power to the pink shade of a sun ready to rise, that always makes you in awe of nature. The change was breathtakingly beautiful. The horizon sharpened its edge in the fragile glow and shadows shifted in the change of the light. The sea exchanged its black color to midnight blue, sparkling for as far as the sun could reach with these first divine beams, while leaves on the trees near by let the light shine through their thin texture, rattling ever so lazy in the soft breeze. 

 

Next, the houses of Vernazza were embraced with the sunrise. Colors glowing more and windows reflecting the light like a sparkling diamante. Blaine closed his eyes for a moment. His battered soul needed room to take in all the beauty that stretched so eagerly to reach his dark places. The sun gained power by the minute and warmed up his surroundings, bringing life with its bare existence. Life, that ran through his body as he rested perfectly in Kurt’s arms, with Kurt’s solid heartbeat thumping right behind him. Finally he let the sun caress his weary face and relinquish all the  _ what ifs _ , constantly lurking in the back of his mind. 

 

Kurt kissed his hair from behind and began talking, ever so softly. “This is how I feel about you, Blaine, like this sun rise. You’re a thousand shades of color, all beautiful on their own, but pure magic when they shift through each other, making the surroundings look so differently. Music is only one of your colors and there are so much more left for you to explore out there … and you don’t have to hurry, you know. This moment in your life is a color too. It’s darker, I know that, and I wish I could fully see what you see and understand your pain completely. But I can’t. All I can do is walk right beside you and there is nothing I’d rather do.”

 

Blaine turned and made them sit opposite each other. The warmth in Kurt’s eyes told the truth and Blaine believed him; from the bottom of his heart, with everything he knew about life and love, he believed him. 

 

Kurt continued. “Last night you asked me to search my soul about our future and I took your request very seriously. But the truth is … that I had searched my soul already.” He licked his lips. “The night you got hospitalized the ground underneath my feet  _ shook _ and I was left with this numbing feeling of fear. The mere thought of … losing you, one way or another, made me so vulnerable and exposed … like if I had nowhere to hide, nowhere to go for comfort or … to feel at home. It was out of my hands and I couldn’t control the outcome.” Kurt’s eyes turned glassy and he had to let air pass through pointed lips to keep from crying.

 

Blaine's heart soared with compassion and he instinctively cupped Kurt’s cheek. “I love you, Kurt,” he whispered. Kurt closed his eyes and smiled, leaning up against the palm of Blaine’s hand. Then his eyes connected them again. 

 

“I love you too, Blaine,”  he said softly, “and that’s the beauty of us. We overcome obstacles. It’s part of our strength. It’s the ground we stand on in our relationship. I’m not oblivious to the challenges lying ahead or for the tough decisions we might have to face. On the contrary. When it comes to loving you, my eyes are wide open, because I don’t want to miss a beat.”

 

Blaine caved completely and leaning in he captured Kurt’s soft lips, letting the physical connection between them settle to an emotional bond. Kurt parted his lips and let him in. The kiss was tender and sweet, as if there was no care in the world, no power strong enough to tear them apart, because sometimes great power comes from the most fragile state of mind. 

 

Kurt broke the kiss and let their foreheads meet. “I have something for you,” he whispered. 

 

Blaine intertwined their hands. “But I have all I need.” He smiled and then tilted his head. “Well unless you have more marbles. I could kind of use a lot of them.”

 

Kurt chuckled and caught a runaway tear. “It’s not marbles,” he replied and reached for the backpack, rummaging around until he pulled out something small from a side pocket. “But I have a feeling you might want this anyway.”

 

Blaine stared in disbelief at a small velvet box, now placed in his hand. His heart picked up pace in a split second as his thumb stroke the soft fabric surrounding the box. He licked his lips and met Kurt’s eyes questioningly, afraid to assume, but hoping with all his heart, no matter how unexpected this had come. “Kurt … is this?” His voice thickened with emotions before it disappeared completely. 

 

“Well open it,” Kurt prompted with badly hidden anticipation. Blaine cleared his throat and with blushing cheeks and shaking hands he flipped open the lid. Inside was a titanium ring with shining silver edges, so beautiful and untouched that it took his breath away. Without a word he let his fingers run over the ring, feeling the cold silver, against the raw titanium. He parted his lips and let himself drown in Kurt’s eyes, blue as the ocean in the horizon. 

 

“Blaine,” Kurt started. “All my life I have taught myself to be independent, to make it on my own and to fight for my rights. I thought that … if my happiness didn’t depend on someone else, I’d be alright. I honestly thought it would work when I moved to New York and left you behind. But it wasn’t until we met again in a cafe, talking about Cordelia, that I truly realized, I could  _ never _ be happy without you; that I  _ hadn’t _ been happy despite all the miles I had tried to put between us. The last two and a half years have been the best time of my life. I laugh harder, I dream bigger and I love more when I’m together with you. You’re  _ home _ to me. The place where I belong, where I can breathe, laugh, cry and love without any insecurities.” 

 

Feelings too big to be contained made Blaine’s skin prickle by every statement Kurt made and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kurt glowing face. Kurt paused to give room for a smile. 

 

“So, Blaine Devon Anderson ….”

 

Blaine forgot how to breathe. 

 

“... will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?”

 

He exhaled, freeing all suspense in a slow, long out breath. “Kurt, this is so … this is so so perfect in every way and YES, yes, of course I’ll marry you.” He blinked hastily and smiled so hard that his cheeks hurt. “I’m such a mess right now, but if you can propose to me in the state I’m in, with everything I’m struggling with, how can I not give myself to you, completely?”

 

Kurt pulled him in for a kiss more, this time crashing their lips together. “Sorry, sorry,” he gasped, “but I didn’t hear anything after  _ yes _ .”

 

“Right,” Blaine mumbled between their lips, only lost for a moment before his head returned to the box in his hand. “I want to try it on!” he said eagerly. 

 

“Yes, of course, I almost forgot about the ring,” Kurt said giddily.

 

“Well I didn’t!” Blaine gently pulled the ring up from the fold that secured it and let it rest on the palm of his hand as he admired it.

 

“I bought rings for both of us,” Kurt explained. “Then, when we get back to New York and set a date, we can go look for wedding rings together.”

 

Blaine picked up the ring and rolled it between his thumb and index finger, embracing the butterflies in his stomach going crazy with happiness. “I don’t think I want another ring, ever. It’s so beautiful.” His eyes caught an inscription on the inside and curiously he looked closer. With thin lined, refined letters three simple words were written:  _ Come what may. _

 

He trembled. “Oh, Kurt, this is … this will forever be special to me, more than you can ever imagine. Thank you so, so much.”

 

Kurt’s chin trembled and when words seem to fail him, he just picked up the ring from Blaine’s palm and placed it with shaky hands on Blaine’s ring finger. 

 

It was a perfect fit!

 

Blaine stretched out his hand to take in the sight of his new accessory. “I can’t wait to tell someone and really show off. Can I please skype for the rest of the day?”

 

Kurt nodded. “I guess it’s the only downfall about proposing so far from home. There’s nobody to really celebrate with.”

 

Blaine leaned in and kissed his fiancé. “No downfall,” he said reassuringly. “We’ll celebrate when we go back home at some point. But right now is about you and me - and all the time we can give each other, just being together.” He winked. “Now where is  _ your _ ring? I want to return the favour.”

 

Kurt got flustered. “Yes, of course, let me … let me just find it.” He got up on his knees and reached down into his pocket, getting his matching ring.

 

“You had it in your pocket the whole time?” Blaine asked with big eyes.

 

“Not the whole time, just for the hike,” Kurt explained, blushing in a perfectly cute way. 

 

Blaine huffed out a laugh. “You sure are full of surprises.” Kurt offered a lopsided smile as response and opened his hand to reveal his own ring. Blaine beamed as he solemnly picked up Kurt’s ring and slowly slid it on his finger, keeping eye contact at the same time. He then intertwined their fingers until the rings touched each other, connecting them in a symbolic way. He lingered on Kurt’s soft stare. “You know, I was actually planning to proposing to you?” 

 

“I know,” Kurt whispered. 

 

“You knew?” 

 

Kurt nodded and smiled embarrassed. “I also know that you put a lot of pressure on yourself about it.”

 

“Sounds like me,” Blaine admitted with a quiet laugh. Then he stopped abruptly and squinted. “Wait a minute. Did Sam tell you?”

 

Kurt made a funny face. “Yes … yes … Sam.”

 

”Oh my god, Cooper too? I cannot believe it.” Blaine said in disbelief. “They promised to sit tight.”

 

Kurt tilted his head. “Look, it was after you got sick and by that time I’d already had the rings for months.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Blaine paused, not sure how to ask the obvious question. His cheeks blushed. “Then why did you wait so long … to propose, I mean?” 

 

Kurt looked down and waited a beat before he answered. “I bought it last summer when we thought we were going to Italy for the holiday. I just knew I would find a beautiful, picturesque place to propose once in Italy. But then … you got signed with Soul of Seduction and everything got so hectic. I tried to come up with another place to propose in New York, but nothing felt right, because it wasn’t … Italy and it wasn’t what I had imagined originally, when I bought the rings, you know. And because you were under so much pressure, I couldn’t throw in a wedding on your plate too. So ... I decided to wait.”

 

Blaine pondered on Kurt’s explanation and suddenly realized that he had a hard time remembering the months leading up to his nervous breakdown. He recalled all the hard work, obviously, but the little things, the everyday interaction between them, fights and make ups, moods and strains, were almost erased from his mind. “Kurt … I don’t think I fully understand how absent I must have been after we signed. It’s a blur of indifferent things that stole my attention. I really, really wish I could undo it.”

 

“And turned down a contract?” Kurt asked with raised eyebrows. “That would have been the  most illogical thing ever. We couldn’t know, Blaine. None of us could. And besides,” he added, “what matters is not that it happened, but how we move on and what we learn along the way.” 

 

“What a hard lesson to learn though,” Blaine mumbled to himself before he decided to let the gloomy stuff go. “You know, I was worried that my memory of Italy would be all about the hardship and this constant solid lump of anxiety in my stomach … but it won’t. You’ve just made sure of that.” He jerked his head upwards and let the full risen sun lighten up his face as he began laughing. “God, I’m getting MARRIED,” he burst out almost tasting the words to make his brain catch up. “I’m getting married to Kurt Hummel. Can you believe that?” he asked and made Kurt laugh too.

 

“Yes, I believe it,” Kurt answered and squealed when Blaine took him by surprise and pushed him down on the ground, crashed their lips together once more. 

 

“I love you,” Blaine said and softened the kiss. He let his fingers follow Kurt’s hairline, across his forehead and down the side, behind his ear. He got lost in Kurt’s beautiful, beautiful features, so perfect to him in every way. He cleared his throat when he felt Kurt getting hard against him. Blaine wasn’t ready to have sex yet. It was the  _ one _ area where he had felt his body’s betrayal the most and something he had been painfully embarrassed about; until Kurt had prompted him to addressed the issue and promised him that he understood. Kurt shifted his position slightly so Blaine wasn’t pressed directly against him anymore and that was exactly Kurt’s consideration. Patient, beautiful Kurt, who would never pressure him to do anything he wasn’t ready for - no matter how hard he ached for it himself. 

 

“You know,” Blaine said hoarsely, “I can’t wait until we can be intimate again and it’s not that I don’t want to. You know that, right?” 

 

Kurt looked at him mildly with flustered cheeks. “Of course I know.” He pecked Blaine on his nose and got up in a sitting position. “But I also know that I’m not made out of stone, so how about some breakfast … to … cool me down?” 

 

Blaine chuckled. “I’m in and I’m starving by the way. Engaged but very hungry.” 

 

“The boy is hungry,” Kurt stated satisfied. “We better feed him up then.” He pulled out a thermos with coffee and two mugs from the bag. Blaine stretched out the blanket underneath them and made himself comfortable as Kurt rummaged some more in the bag and pulled out plastic boxes of various size together with two plates. He positioned himself next to Blaine, facing the big blue ocean that now was glittering fully in the sunlight. He reached for one of the mugs and poured up half a cup of coffee. “Now,” he said and grabbed a bottle of milk, “you have to imagine that we’re at a cafe and you’re getting one of those artistic caffe latte with a heart on the top.” He shook the bottle energetically until tiny bubbles surfaced and poured up the milk gently, just to realize that all the bubbles stayed in the bottle, leaving him with nothing but a simple cup of coffee with milk. 

 

Blaine laughed. “If I use my imagination really well, I  _ do _ see a heart.”

 

“Now you flatter me,” Kurt said charmed. “This  _ was _ kind of impromptu, so you will have to bear with me.” His eyes caught Blaine’s smug face. “I mean the proposal wasn’t impromptu … just the timing of it … you know.”

 

“I know,” Blaine hummed, raising his eyebrows . 

 

Kurt opened another box. “Here we have some well prepared Cornettos. They’re leftover from yesterday, but you can hardly taste the dryness.” He winked and Blaine’s smile grew wider. “Oh, and then I found some fette biscottate in the back of the cupboard. I think you will find that they are  _ extra crispy _ , but if your teeth tend to crack I can highly recommend to dip the cookies in the perfectly made caffe latte … the one with the heart.”

 

Blaine popped the biscuit in his mouth and sipped enough coffee to make it softer around its edges. “Kurt, this is honest to god the best breakfast I’ve ever tasted,” he said, still chewing. “It’s flawless.”

 

“Thank you,” Kurt said, as his cornetto crumbled in his hand. “But despite the excellency of this menu I  _ will _ make this up to you and take you to a proper dinner later on.”

 

“Like a date?”

 

“Like a real date, with fancy clothes and all.”

 

Blaine hummed approvingly. “I’m all about dinner later, but when we’re done with breakfast I could really use a nap.”

 

Later on Blaine wondered if he had ever been as happy as the morning he snuggled into Kurt, sleeping under an olive tree on a mountain in Vernazza.


	9. The Project

Chapter 9 - The Project

 

 

The engagement had never meant to be a quick fix or a way to chase the dark shadows away from Blaine’s mind, and good days were still followed by bad days. But something profoundly had changed in the way they both perceived Blaine’s illness. No more pressure, no rush, no impatience, just acceptance of the status here and now. Their day to day lives in the guesthouse were still mostly quiet and their peaceful existence now felt as normal as the hectic hours in New York had done. They rested in the silence as well as the deep conversations and the only noise around them was from the television when once a day they sat down for half an hour to watch something -  preferably something funny or silly. Blaine didn’t count actual marbles anymore. Instead he had developed a sense to know when to gear down or take a nap and because of that his overall energy level had increased significantly. His hikes had become longer, his appetite grown bigger and his smiles had spread wider.

 

But with the improved Blaine Anderson new challenges appeared.

 

“You okay?” Kurt asked one day when Blaine had been pacing around on the patio.

Blaine settled down in one of the lounge chairs for the third time. “Yes, yes I’m fine.”

 

Kurt did half an eye roll. “If you say so.” He sighed and returned to the email  he was writing to Stevenson: ... _as far as a new audition goes we will have to …_ Blaine tremoured his fingertips relentlessly against the wooden armrest. Kurt cleared his throat. “Baby, I love you to moon and back again, but you _have_ to stop doing that before it drives me crazy. Now spill it!”

 

“Oh, sorry, I was just … ,” Blaine paused with a frown and sat up straighter. “You know I miss doing something with my hands. My hands have always been busy, playing the piano or the guitar, writing notes down. I feel like doing _something_.”

 

Kurt pursed his lips. “We could buy you a puzzle with 1000 pieces of the blue sky,” he suggested, amazed by his own wit.

 

Blaine threw a magazine after him. “Not helping!”

 

“Okay, okay, it was just an idea,” Kurt said half smiling. “Um… how about … drawing or painting? A lot of people stumble upon undiscovered creative skills when they recover from stress.”

 

Blaine shook his head. “There is no Picasso hidden in me. My childhood’s gifts to my mom is a solid proof.”

 

“Oh, oh, how about knitting or … or, now I know,” Kurt said triumphantly, unable to hide his snarkiness. “You could carve out little figurines of wood and then we could have them all over the guesthouse; maybe even start a small business in New York.”

 

Blaine squinted at Kurt as he absentmindedly rotated the glass of water in his hand until the ice cubes made music against the glass. “Now aren’t you full of ideas today,” he replied slowly and got up from the chair again, nailing Kurt with a challenging stare as he approached.

 

“Baby, don’t do anything stupid,” Kurt warned giddily, eyeing the glass very carefully.

 

“My ideas aren’t stupid, unlike yours,” Blaine pointed out and then he attacked. Kurt squealed from laughter when Blaine tried to control both of his arms with one hand and a knee, while holding three big ice cubes in the other hand. But Kurt struggled hard and managed to free one arm and avoided having ice shoved down his t-shirt at the last second. They both laughed as the fight continued. Kurt had gotten up standing now and was better prepared for the next attack. To Blaine’s disadvantage the ice cubes were melting in his hand and holding them made it harder for him to pacify Kurt, who was stronger at the moment. But with a quick twist he surprised his opponent and got close enough to pin Kurt up against the house wall. Kurt kept struggling until Blaine covered his mouth with wet, soft lips. The passion ignited between them when their tongues met and Blaine deepened the kiss. Kurt sighed in contentment … until three ice cubes were dropped into his boxers.

 

“You did _not_ just do that!” Kurt squealed.

 

Blaine kissed him again with lips stretched into a triumphant smile. “I believe I did,” he said and pressed their crotches up against each other to make sure Kurt could feel the cubes melt around his dick.

 

“You are bad,” Kurt said softly and kissed back.

 

Blaine’s reply was nothing but a hum until a peculiar expression took over his face. “Huh, that was weird.”

 

“What was weird?” Kurt mumbled, determined to kiss some more.

 

“I think I’m getting there, baby,” Blaine answered and smiled. “Oh … and I know what my project should be!” He pecked Kurt on the lips and hurried inside.

 

Kurt’s shoulders slouched as he tried to compose himself, very aware of his dick’s optimistic rise. “Blaaaine,” he yelled out loud and bit his bottom lip. “What did you mean by you are _getting there_?”

 

Blaine peaked out a window. “What?”

 

“You said: _I think I’m getting there._ What did you mean?”

 

“Oh, that,” Blaine said innocently. “I was talking about sex, what else?” Then he disappeared again.

 

“He will be the death of me,” Kurt mumbled and decided to stumble up to the bathroom and find some … relief.

 

________________________________________________________

 

 

When Kurt later returned to the patio, Blaine had positioned himself at the table with pen and paper, looking very concentrated as he was writing or drawing something. Kurt sat down by his laptop at the other end of the table unable to resist side eyeing Blaine’s papers. “So, will you tell me about your project?” he asked.

 

“Nope, not yet,” Blaine answered, not even looking up. “But I will … eventually.”

 

Kurt smiled satisfied and returned to the email he had been writing, but it didn’t take long for Blaine to steal his attention again. With the papers under his arm he walked down the wooden steps leading into the small garden belonging to the guesthouse. Kurt tilted his head and watched him carefully as Blaine walked heel to toe between two trees, writing numbers down from time to time. Then he looked up underneath the tree branches before he stepped out under the sun again with a pondering expression. It was moving seeing Blaine so completely absorbed and determined about whatever his project was, not that Kurt was dying to know, absolutely not.

 

When Blaine returned to the patio he drew some more on the papers, quietly and in his own thoughts, checking out some stuff on his phone now and then. But it wasn’t until an hour later he finally tucked the pencil behind his ear and looked at the drawings with badly hidden pride. He moved over to Kurt and handed him the papers. “ _This_ is my project,” he said, “if Maria will approve, of course.”

 

Kurt looked over the drawings curiously. “A hammock?” he said surprised.

 

“Yep, right between the two biggest olive trees down in the garden. It’s getting hotter every day, now that summer is here, and there will be plenty of shade around noon at _that_ exact spot. It will be perfect; I promise.”

 

“You better make it big enough for both of us,” Kurt said, rather impressed. He returned to the drawings. “And you know _how_ to built a hammock?”

 

“Of course! It’s just a little fabric and some rope, maybe two wooden boards at each end. I’m sure it’s not that difficult.”

 

Kurt hid a smile, already spotting one or two issues with the project. “You’re right, how hard can it be?”

 

Blaine beamed by the support. “Exactly! Now I’m going up to Maria to get the project approved. You want to come?”

 

“No, I better get some work done, if that’s alright - and it’s your project anyway.” Kurt pointed out.

 

“No problem,” Blaine said and smiled. “I’ll say hi from you.”

 

Half an hour later Blaine returned, carrying a long wooden board, a huge bag full of fabric and a huge grin. “Look what Maria gave me,” he said. “She loved the idea and thinks for sure that I can built a hammock. She even has a sewing machine I can use. He emptied the back and looked through the heavily patterned fabrics. “So Mr. New York Fashion guy, what do you think?”

 

Kurt let his eyes run over the limited options that varied from boring to down right hideous.  “God Blaine … that's just … I mean I do like floral patterns, as long as they’re on a shirt and they are kept very small. Big purple flowers might be too much, even for gay guys.” He sighed. “The green and orange one, with the stripes could be okay, but I’d probably go with the blue one.”

 

“The plain blue, with no patterns and no wow factor at all?” Blaine asked, shaking his head. “Man, you’re losing your touch.”

 

“Let me guess. You want the big purple flowers.”

 

“Of course I want the big flowers. It’s vintage, don’t you see that?”

 

“Baby, that’s not vintage, that’s just … traumatizing.”

 

“Traumatizing in a good way, though,” Blaine said laughing. He squinted. “It will be the most spectacular hammock ever.”

 

“I won't dispute that.”

 

“Now I just need to go down to the marina and see where I can buy some rope,” Blaine said eagerly.

 

Kurt watched his excitement with love, and hated that he _had_ to slow his fiance down now. “Why don’t you get some rest before you continue?” he suggested. “We can go together in the afternoon.”

 

“But I’m not that tired, really.“

 

“I know it doesn’t feel like it,” Kurt interjected, “but it’s just a nap and then I promise we will go.”

 

Blaine put his hands on his hips and looked at all the lovely material, now spread over the patio floor. “Okay,” he agreed regretfully, “but I will only sleep for half an hour. I want to get back to my project.”

 

Kurt smiled relieved. “That’s all I’m asking.” 

 

As Kurt had foreseen, Blaine slept for most of the afternoon and when he finally had energy enough to get out of bed he was cranky. “How can I ever get anything done if I still have to sleep half the day away?”

 

Kurt kissed him gently. “There are endless days ahead of us where you won't need to rest as much. It just isn’t today. But look at the bright side. You have started a project, a good, meaningful project, and if you plan it carefully and look out for yourself, you _will_ succeed. Tomorrow is a new day and with a new day, comes new energy.”

 

Blaine agreed reluctantly and instead of going down the mountain to buy rope he spent the evening making a schedule for the days to follow.

 

____________________________________________________________

 

The change in Blaine’s daily routine and the sense of doing something meaningful _did_ brighten up his mental state overall. Even though he couldn’t work for more than an hour at a time, it gave him a deeper sense of purpose than the daily hike and the frequent Skype sessions with their friends and families had provided so far. After two weeks of trial and error, mostly on the sewing machine that he had been bent over endlessly, his project was taking form and on a  sunny morning it was time to hang up the hammock. Kurt watched from his usual spot on the patio as Blaine carefully tied the rope on each end of the hammock around the thick tree trunks, tucking and testing along the way to see if his knobs would hold. The tricky part seemed to be finding branches at the same height on the two trees, in order to stabilize the hammock. The first time around he tied it too high and had to jump a bit to get into the hammock itself. Once there, he wabbled a few seconds, searching for balance before he tumbled down to the ground. With a stubborn grunt he got up again and viewed the hammock like a horse that needed taming. Kurt pressed his lips tight together to prevent a bubble of laughter from escaping and busied himself like crazy as if he hadn’t seen a thing.

 

The second time around Blaine stayed up a bit longer, but a slight shift in his position made him lose balance, forcing him to face the ground once more. Kurt bit down on his lip this time, determined not to release the tiniest sound.

 

“I know you are watching, Kurt,” Blaine panted after the third attempt, “so you don’t have to pretend otherwise,” he said, lying spread eagle on the ground without looking in Kurt’s direction.

 

“Me?” Kurt asked restrained. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if it’s about the hammock, I’ll be happy to help you, you know that.”

 

Blaine shook his head as he got up again, this time moving a bit slower. “I can handle this, you just wait and see,” he said and walked back up on the patio. He looked warm and sweaty and with a swift move he dragged his t-shirt up over his head and dried off his upper body.

 

The sight made Kurt shut up in a split second. Blaine was gorgeous. He’d always been gorgeous, even through his sickness with the pounds lost, he’d still been really beautiful.

 

“All I need,” Blaine said, unaware of Kurt’s stare, “is something to drink. And then I’ll teach that hammock a thing or two.”

 

Kurt blinked. “Um … you better wear some … sunscreen if you want to continue without a shirt on though.”

 

“You’re probably right,” Blaine replied and looked down his chest before he disappeared into the house.

 

Kurt sighed deeply; one of those sighs you pull from the tips of your toes. What he would do to revel in Blaine right now, taste him and smell him, touch every inch of his body. His need to do exactly that had been building sky high over the last few weeks. It could be because Blaine seemed so much better now ... and because he missed sex _so_ badly.

 

Blaine returned with two glasses of water and a bottle of sunscreen. “Can you do my back?” he asked and tossed the bottle to Kurt.

 

Kurt moaned inside and struggled to control his voice. “Of course”, he said, way too pitchy. Blaine turned his back to him and Kurt got up, pouring a decent amount of sunscreen into his hand, before spreading it between both palms. With slow massaging movements he applied the thick lotion on Blaine’s shoulders and neck, making sure to cover every inch before working downwards. His fingertips caressed Blaine’s warm skin, following lines of muscles, curves and dips, like a landscape created by his touch, sculptured to his own satisfaction. He knew Blaine was lost in his project right now and that was probably how it should be, but Kurt was still allowed to treasure every touch. “Should I do your chest, too?” he asked hopefully when he couldn’t stall any longer.

 

Blaine turned around. “That’s alright, I’ll do that myself.” He smiled. “I just got a brilliant idea how to stabilize the hammock even more. It might not be done today, but when I _do_ finish, it will be our favorite place to spend time together.”

 

Kurt smiled back and appreciated Blaine’s boyishly excitement. He leaned in for a kiss. “I can’t wait.”

 

It took three more days before the hammock hung perfectly and stable, secured around several branches between the two trees in the garden. Blaine’s smile was bright as the sun when he proudly invited Kurt to a siesta under the shadows in the most worked on hammock in all of Vernazza’s history. Kurt hummed pleased as they layed next to each other, swaying ever so softly in a summer breeze, with an impressive view of the treetops right above them. The olive trees made out the center of the garden that was framed by blooming bushes in different colors. The sweet smell of the symphony of flowers was like an aroma treatment that never quite had reached the patio.

 

“This is so amazing,” Kurt mumbled. “You’ve build happiness, nothing less than happiness!”

 

“Aw thank you,” Blaine said and smiled against Kurt’s cheek. “You better enjoy it too, because I am never building a hammock ever again!”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because now I know how to do it, you know. Been there done that,” Blaine stated.

 

“So, do you have a new project figured out in that smart brain of yours?” Kurt asked.

 

“I don’t know, maybe I could do some painting for Maria,” Blaine said. “The outside walls of the guesthouse could need some freshening up, don’t you think?”

 

“She’d be thrilled if you offered to do it.”

 

“Would you help me out then?”

 

“What? No more _my project_?” Kurt asked.

 

“Nah, I think I have proved my point.”

 

“You have,” Kurt said agreeingly. They swayed some more in the breeze before Kurt spoke again. “Hey, shouldn’t we celebrate?”

 

“Celebrate what?” Blaine asked.

 

“That you’ve proved your point and that you’ve created our favorite place?” Kurt answered.

 

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

 

“Well, we haven’t tried the cute little restaurant down by the marina. I think it’s called Caravaggio or something. Maria says it’s her favorite.”

 

“Maybe we should invite her too and buy her dinner. Would that be okay?” Blaine asked.

 

“Sure, nice gesture. We do have one problem though.”

 

Blaine frowned. “And what would that be?”

 

“I don’t know if I can get down from this hammock,” Kurt giggled. “It’s easy to get in here, but leaving is another story.”

 

“Oh, I can get you down alright,” Blaine grinned.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Kurt warned squealing when Blaine shifted his weight over at Kurt’s side and tumbled them both to the ground.

 

“See,” Blaine huffed laughing. “Piece of cake.”

 

“I’ll give you piece of cake,” Kurt reprimanded and started tickling Blaine as revenge.

 

________________________________________________________________

 

Maria had company when the boys went up to ask her out. It was some sort of ladies get together and when she introduced Kurt and Blaine as her American sons, the entire table had _ooh’d_ and _ah’ed_ , talking about how handsome they both were, until Maria had told her friends to behave. She had to take a raincheck about dinner, but promised to pop in the next day and inspect the hammock.

 

Back in the guesthouse they both changed clothes and made an effort to look nice. Blaine shaved after days with stubble that had grown half beardy and Kurt coiffed his hair into his signature New York look. When they were done, all shiny and groomed, Kurt offered Blaine his hand.

 

“May I escort you down the mountain, Mr. Anderson?”

 

“That depends on the transportation,” Blaine answered with a distinct British accent.

 

“Today we go by scooter, sir,” Kurt stated. “A white Vespa, to be more accurate.”

 

Blaine tucked his hand into the crook of Kurt’s elbow. “In that case you may escort me, Mr. Hummel. You see, the white Vespa happens to be my favorite scooter.”

 

“How convinent,” Kurt said, straddling the scooter first. “I wonder how a scooter would survive in New York?”

 

“I wonder how our lungs would survive,” Blaine added laughing and got behind Kurt.

 

Then they took off.

 

The summer evening was mesmerising as always and when Blaine wrapped his arms tight around Kurt’s lean waist as they drove, he closed his eyes and let the rest of his senses take over. The wind against his skin filled his lungs with life giving air and his sense of Kurt’s body, so solid and strong in front of him, felt like an armor protecting him and Kurt’s cologne, reminded him of gentle touches and home. He knew things were coming back, all the things that he thought he’d lost was given back to him piece by piece in new ways he hadn’t anticipated. He squeezed Kurt in a backwards hug, feeling happiness knock on his door. He could wish for nothing more.

 

The restaurant was placed in the last house at the end of a narrow street, very close to the shore. It looked cozy from the outside but smaller than they had expected. All restaurants they had seen so far had been plastered with outdoor tables in the shades of huge marqueses or parasols, but from the look of it this seemed to be an inside restaurant only. 

 

“It doesn’t seem like much,” Kurt noted and secured the scooter.

 

“Maybe it’s all about the food and not the appearance,” Blaine said and took Kurt’s hand. 

 

At the entrance they were met by a beautiful local girl, dressed in a perfectly fitted red dress and wearing a warm dimpled smile. “I was wondering when Maria’s American boys would find their way to the Caravaggio?” she said.

 

“Excuse me?” Kurt said confused.

 

The girl laughed. “Maria has been telling me all about you,” she explained, “and she was right, you _are_ two handsome guys.”

 

“Why, thank you,” Kurt noted and received the compliment with class. “We do try, right Blaine?”

 

Blaine nodded and flashed an ear to ear smile. “I’ve definitely made an effort tonight.”

 

The girl curtsied. “Welcome to Caravaggio, my name is Adalina and I’ll make sure your visit here will be perfect.”

 

The boys beamed as they thanked her and at once their expectations to the night rose considerably.

 

“Now let me take you to your table,” Adalina said and walked along.

 

They followed her into the restaurant that soon proved to be so much more than they had ever expected and it suddenly made perfect sense that Maria had begged them to come here at least once during their stay. At the back of the restaurant, to the right, a huge stone arch lead them to another section of the restaurant and revealed a stunningly, huge cave, carved out all the way through the mountain with a mesmerizing view to ocean. The ceiling was nothing but the raw cliff, covered in a web of lights. The walls were evened out with torches pinned to iron sticks, throwing their flickering lights on the wooden floor. The tables in this section were few, which gave a spacious feel to the entire interior. Kurt and Blaine lost ability to talk as they took in the magic of the sight.

 

A restaurant like this exists in Polignano al mare in Apulia/ south of Italy. Exactly like this! Great setting!

 

Adalina smiled at their impressed reaction and gave them a moment. “Your table is right over here,” she then said and led the way to a table for two with candlelight and flowers. She gave them the menu as they got seated and left them alone for awhile.

 

Kurt captured Blaine’s eyes from across the table. “Can you believe this?” he gasped.

 

Blaine laughed. “It’s crazy and … and so beautiful. I wonder why Maria never told us what to expect?”

 

“She wouldn’t spoil it,” Kurt said. “She wanted us to look like this.” He dropped his jaw in a funny imitation.

 

Blaine laughed again. “No restaurant will top this, like ever! Imagine throwing a wedding here.”

 

Kurt’s eyes twinkled. “Well it’s not impossible, I guess.”

 

Blaine took Kurt’s hand and lifted it to his mouth to kiss it. “Thank you for saying that. I don’t know where we will get married or when, but keeping the options open is such a wonderful feeling. I can’t wait to get there.”

 

“Me neither,” Kurt said softly.

 

Adalina cleared her throat before she stepped in from the side. “Are you ready to order?” she asked hesitantly.

 

Kurt scooped the menu cards towards her. “We’ll have whatever you can recommend.”

 

She pursed her red lips and her eyes glimpsed approvingly. “Then I know exactly what to serve you.” She scribbled down as she talked. “First I will serve you our finest antipasti dish, with bruschetta, calzone, fried squids, vegan rolls and stuffed olives. It may sound like a lot, but it’s light and very, very tasteful. For your main course I will recommend our Italian cuisine with clams and garlic butter.” She paused and offered a mysterious smile. “And … finally the dessert. That one I will keep a secret for now, but I _can_ reveal that it tastes like sunshine on a rainy day.”

 

Kurt tilted his head by her last words. “I’m intrigued … and it all sounds … absolutely amazing. Are you in Blaine?”

 

“Definitely. I can only eat half of the menu, but I will do my very best.” he answered.

 

As they waited for the first dish Kurt got tangled up in a funny story about a scooter rally he had witnessed one day he had shopped for groceries at the market. Blaine tried to pay attention to the sentences leaving Kurt’s mouth, but little things suddenly distracted him; like the fullness of Kurt’s lips and how he’s tongue played around, forming words or making sounds to imitate the rumble of a scooter. Blaine smiled absentmindedly, lingering ever so often at the dimples appearing in Kurt’s cheek whenever he chuckled. Blue eyes captured him, pulled him closer and set off a small, long forgotten coil in the pit of his stomach. He reached out to touch Kurt hand, played with his fingers and let his thumb run along Kurt’s knuckles. The atmosphere slowly changed from cozy and nice, to something more vibrant, a tangible surge, so much stronger than before. He didn’t say anything to Kurt about it though, not sure if he could trust his own reactions. Instead he focused on tasting as much of the delicious antipasti that had now been delivered to their table. When Kurt left shortly, to make sure he had locked up the scooter safely, Blaine’s eyes followed his every move; his strong back narrowed into his perfect waist, fabric hugging his body, accentuating places that Blaine had started to dream about again. The coil grew and became more solid. He breathed calmly and embraced the change, smiling to himself when Kurt, unaware of the places Blaine’s mind was going to, returned to the table. But it wasn’t until the dessert Blaine caved in.

 

Adalina had proved her point about the dessert and despite the feeling of being completely full they both looked in awe at what she had brought them.

 

“This is our famous Strawberry-Yogurt Mousse,” she explained, “and this is what you will come back for again and again.”

 

The mousse itself was solid and formed as a mini tower. Strawberries, carved as small flames, circled the mousse at the bottom as well as the top. Finishing off the beautiful arrangement, was a chocolate heart, made of fine lines, like it was drawn in free air.

 

Kurt picked up the chocolate heart and pushed it between his lips with a sensual movement, slowly licking the tip of his finger for a little mousse that had followed. Blaine felt the arousal come in waves now, hardening him by the sight alone. He blushed and shifted uncomfortable in the chair.

 

“Blaine, this tastes like a piece of heaven,” Kurt gushed, already through the next bite. “Go on try it.”

 

Blaine nodded and bit down into his bottom lip, before a smile escaped. “I will, I will.” He scooped a spoonful and let the sweet taste from the mousse and the freshness of the strawberries fill his senses. “It is good,” he agreed, still not able to tear his eyes away from Kurt’s mouth.

 

“Are you alright?” Kurt asked.

 

“Yes … I’m better than alright, actually,” Blaine mumbled with mousse in his mouth. “Why?”

 

“You look …” Kurt hesitated and then shrugged it off. “You just look full and happy, I guess.”

 

Blaine licked his lips. _Oh the things he wanted to do to Kurt._ A fiddler appeared in the cave and played something classical for the couple sitting closest to them. It was Vivaldi for all Blaine could recognize. The music was smooth and fragile at first and then it rose gradually and was highlighted in the acoustics of the raw cliff from the ceiling and the walls. Blaine’s pants were getting tighter the more Kurt invaded his senses.

 

“Are you okay with the music?” Kurt asked, but had to repeat it a bit louder.

 

Blaine nodded and held Kurt’s stare. His cheeks got warm as he leaned in. “I want to have sex with you,” he confessed as Vivaldi climaxed.

 

“I can’t hear you,” Kurt said and leaned closer as well.

 

Blaine rolled his eyes at the surreal situation and rose his voice significantly. “I want to have sex …” The fiddler stopped abruptly, finishing off his Vivaldi rendition with a hard downstroke on the strings, something Blaine _should_ have predicted. And between the last note and the applause, his words hovered in the cave like a ghost whisper. “... salt,” Blaine finished off and stared down at his plate with cheeks hotter than the torches at the walls. “I want to have salt,” he stuttered, eyeing people around him to see if they had picked up on something. Then he sighed in embarrassment.

 

Kurt’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline in confusion. “But this is a dessert, baby?”

 

Blaine closed his eyes and sensed the chuckle rise from within, out of control. With a half smirk and a half smile he pulled Kurt closer by hooking a finger in his dress shirt. “I want you,” he whispered in Kurt’s ear.

 

Kurt shot him a cute smile. “Awww honey, I want you too.” Then his jaw dropped by the intensity of Blaine’s stare. “Oh …. oh you,” he blushed too now, “you _want_ , want me?” he whispered.

 

Blaine nodded slowly and stroke a finger over the dip between Kurt’s collarbones before he leaned back into his seat again. He raised another spoonful of the mousse and wrapped his lips around the metal until the spoon was completely clean.

 

Kurt’s eyes widened and a small sound was heard from the back of his throat. “Is it like … right now?” he asked with eyes dropping to Blaine’s mouth.

 

“I’m about to explode,” Blaine answered. It was exaggerated maybe, but they really had to leave soon.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god, don’t do that,” Kurt stuttered frantically. “I mean … yes, keep the thought, but … can you make it back to the guesthouse?”

 

“Can you?” Blaine asked giggling, all warm and turned on by Kurt’s reaction.

 

Kurt huffed out a nervous laugh. “I think I can - if we leave _now_.”

 

Blaine shifted once more in his chair. “Then take me home, Kurt.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
